The Catastrophic History Of You And Me

Maybe one day, you'll miss me too.

Lily sat up in bed, sweat coating every inch of her skin. Her eyes were pricked with tears, as her blue eyes looked around in a panic. Her arm was reached out, looking for him again, in the spot he used to lay next to her at night, holding her tightly to him. Back then she would've believed he could've stopped anything bad from happening to her in the world, like he really could protect her. That was a sick joke. Her hand closed around the fabric of the sheet, causing the black sheets to bunch up in her fist.

It's been a goddamn month and Lily was still a wreck. She didn't know how to even begin to move on. It was like he was still there, she could still feel him. She could still feel him in her bed, in her head, she could still feel his gentle kisses on her neck, down to her collarbone, leaving gently hickies on her pale skin.

"Stop! Please just... Fucking stop." Lily was speaking to no one, especially in her empty apartment. But her voice was shaking, and she knew tears were falling down her cheeks in waves. Her fingers slid into her blonde hair, nails digging into her scalp, as she hid her face in her knees. "Please. Fucking. Stop." Her words were barley a whisper.

Lily wasn't okay, no matter how many times she tried to say she was, she really wasn't. Her heart felt like it was in a million pieces, and she knew that there was no real way to even begin putting them back together. Just for the fact that he would forever have a piece of her. As her fingers slipped from her hair to her legs she realized how bad they were shaking. Her fists clenched automatically. She hated this. All she wanted to do was call him, see him, just to know he was okay. How was this even fair?

I love you, but we can't be together.

Who the hell says that and leaves? Who? Because it wasn't fucking fair. Lily stood up, wiping the tears from her face. She wanted to be angry, she wanted to be mad.

"I just want to feel something besides the empty hole you left in my chest." Again, her words weren't towards anyone but herself.

Lily sat down on her vanity, and tucked between the mirror glass and the wooden frame was a photo of the two. They looked so happy. Lily was hugging him tightly, happy tears in the corner. And there he was... Yuki. His arms were outstretched towards her, welcoming her into a hug. Lily would do anything at this point for a hug from him...

Placing the photo on the vanity, she stared at the blackout curtains in her room. Normally she would've had them opened allowing sunshine in, but lately, she didn't even allow that. She didn't do much. She wasn't exactly the heaviest person in the world, but she knew how much weight she had lost. Her collarbone was sticking out further then usual, and she knew laying down her ribs were becoming more and more visual.

"Can't sleep because you haunt me there, can't eat because all I want to do is throw up at the thought of you, and guess what, you're always on my fucking mind." Lily glared at the photo.

She wasn't angry, she knew that. She was hurt, confused, and just wanted answers. Standing up, she went hunting for her phone in the covers. Finally finding it, she looked at the time, 3am. That's lovely, and there was no way she was falling back asleep either.

Lily pulled off her tshirt, letting it fall into the ever growing pile of laundry she apparently was never going to do again. Part of her wanted to burn all her clothing he touched, ripped off her, or t-shirts she had bought for him so he could stay with her longer. She made her way into her bathroom and climbed in the shower.

The water scalding her skin, causing it to turn red, and burn a little. But Lily was secretly thankful to feel something besides the gape in her chest. She stayed in the shower till her fingers were pruned and the water ran ice cold across her skin. She held up her prune hand, watching the ice cold water cascade down.