Part 2 of my life "the depression?"

Cause of it

So if you read my cringy 5 grade story on this thing I ended some with mom trying to stay strong and dad getting weaker... nobody could understand that. I you do then I'm really sorry. So when I was in 6 grade I thought I was the only one keeping my family from splitting up. My mom cried every night and I stayed up with her and she'd cry over how she shouldn't be with my dad and it was always on a school night so I'd stay up and cry with her until I had to go to school which explained my bad grades. I was really tired. And not to mention my brother went too far as to make my mom cry every night and make her want to run away. She walked out of the house and since I was still young I followed her and sobbed in hopes she wouldn't run away. She never really ran away but she tried to find a new house. And I really don't want her or my dad to split up. Because of my brother doing some of this, I always pictured my dad as suicidal and didn't act like he wanted to live anymore. So my whole family was falling apart, I was the last one trying at least to keep it together I tried to calm my brother, talk to my mom when she's cry, and my dad just didn't care. So I helped everyone besides the one who REALLY needed the help,......myself. Every day I'd cry over and over and have panic attacks and always contemplate on suicide. I got no sleep, I gained LOTS AND LOTS of weight, and I hated people. So if anyone asked me if I'm okay, I'd just say "I'm fine" and nobody understands no I'm not fine I'm the exact opposite!!! I think about suicide everyday and stop myself from trying to cut! So I tried to hint to my parents that I had depression while we were at the doctors and the first thing they said was "You don't have depression, your always smiling when I see you!" And my dad says "of course you don't have it" so I can't really tell them. Not to mention the other day I tried to tell my dad "I think I have anxiety." But of course he said "no you don't stop lying".