Part 2 of my life "the depression?"

Myself

I hate me
I.
Hate.
Me.
There i said it. I look positive! I'm always smiling! I'm always happy! I am (what people think of me) pretty! I'm also none of those! Whatsoever!
I hate people so much! I hate my smile! I can't be happy anymore! I am ugly! I have acne everywhere! My nose is to big! My face is too chubby! My eyes might be the only pretty thing about me... my hair is always messed up! I always feel the need to impress everyone yet I have nothing to impress them with! What do I impress them with? My looks which I don't have? My style which sucks? I try to impress the world, people, strangers who just walk by me,my school,my friends,my family,.... myself.
I impress none of those. I could try harder? But I don't have enough energy? I can't impress the world, people,strangers, my school, or my friends. I try to impress my family....I come home with 90's and they say  "oh, at least you tried" or "oh,that's okay" and  it just keeps making me feel like a failure like I need to try harder to get better grades. I need to try harder to not be a failure. I'm a failure to myself. I'd like to feel accomplished knowing someone is proud of me. I try to make myself feel better. But then again a bully doesn't help you out they make you worse. For years I've felt trapped, I try to tell someone, but they never help after, I need to be more independent and get through it myself, again I hate myself why would I help myself out?, the closest I've ever got to cutting was by picking it up and shedding tears all over my arm before I had the chance I said it's not worth it and put it away and eventually I threw it away. No matter how much I write in this book I'd just like to end it with....
Congratulations family you caused my darkest days and it never cured.