Birds of Paradise

June 14th, 2010

Birds of Paradise

June 14th, 2010

Wagner’s Bridal Chorus started to play and as the flower girl slowly made her way down the aisle. In Elea’s mind, choosing that song was making the easy decision.

            The church was crowded that day. It was amazing the number of people Liam and Marilyn knew and thought were important enough to be part of their special day. Again, Elea thought about how it was probably just for the show. She couldn’t help being snippy in her mind. She would never state her thoughts out loud. Either way, she was spending all her energy on not crying and ruining her make up. She had taken her glasses off for the day. She could still see, but far away things were a little blurry.

            It didn’t matter anyway. This wasn’t her day.

            It was Liam’s and Marilyn’s. Because he didn’t love Elea. How could he love her? Why would he love her? When he had so much better standing right beside her.

            When it was her turn to walk down the aisle, she clutched at her little bouquet, her purple dress swaying with each of her steps as she walked carefully in her high heels—she hated the shoes.

            At first she kept her gaze on those shoes, but then she realized she had to look up. She had to look in his eyes to see, to know. Maybe she would see it in his eyes, what she was silently praying for, that all of this was a big mistake.

            She looked up at him.

            Why had she agreed to do this? It was complete and utter torture. There he stood, in all of his glorious tallness, wearing a black tux that fitted him perfectly and made him look even more like a male supermodel. His face was all smile and perfection and it tore Elea’s heart out. How she would mend it after this, she had no idea.

            But she kept on walking. And she smiled at him, a pained smile. For a second she actually let herself believe she was the bride in this scenario, not the jealous bridesmaid. She held her tears and thought about a life with him, a life where he loved her.

            Liam held Elea’s gaze. He kept a careful smile on his lips but his mind was racing.

            He should have talked with her before the wedding. He should have cleared the air between them.

            But, honestly, there was no point in telling her that at first he had only taken a notice to her to make Marilyn jealous. There was no point in telling her that he never could have known she actually liked him. How could he have known when she was always quiet and shy around him? He had always read it as her being indifferent to him. If she wasn’t flirting she wasn’t interested—wasn’t that the common sociably acceptable translation? How could he tell her that if Marilyn hadn’t broken up with her boyfriend, he probably would have tried harder? What was the point in telling her he had often wondered after knowing the truth—wondered about him and her, together? Would have they been good together? Happy together? He was happy enough with Marilyn, but could he be happier?

            Sometimes it felt like he loved Marilyn more than she did and that was wrong was it not? A love not equal died, did it not?

            For a brief second, they shared the same thought, one where her role would be different, whether that scenario pleased him more than the real one was irrelevant, things would not change.

            Elea walked all the way and then stood in her place.

            Marilyn stepped in the church, all white and blond and bright. She couldn’t keep the smile off her face. She thought about how funny it was that she had tried to set up her best friend with her future husband. Of course, she had always known Elea would never date him. Elea was more in love with her books and her room and her bed than any boy. She’d end up alone with eighty cats—that’s what she was always telling her. And Liam practically worshipped the ground Marilyn walked on, and he spoiled her and gave her everything she wanted. What more could she ask for?

            Finally, she stood by her husband to be and the ceremony started.

            In the end, Liam smiled and said his vows as Elea clenched her teeth and held on tightly to her flowers, thinking of birds of paradise.