What was needed to be told

.

I stood, trembling as we both sat on a bench. It was dusk, do you remember?

You know me too well, you noticed I was almost crying.

"Hey... Are you well?" You knew me too god-damn well for not realizing I was in a bad mood.

"It drives me crazy..." I replied, tears bursting all over my face.

"What?" You asked, wiping my cheek.

"That I can't listen to anything. Mind is trying to kill me... heart whispers your name." I replied. I lighted up a cigarette and I breathed in the poisonous air. You were mad at my gesture, but more worried at my words.

"Every god-damn day I see or hear your name. From the day we first met. I kept hearing it, whenever you were gone."

A moment of silence... Then you broke it. "What about music? I'm sure you don't hear my name in those songs."

I smiled, pathetically I replied: "There is no song that has at least a memory with you..."

"What about writing, drawing?"

I looked at you, dead in the eyes, mine red from crying and smoke of the cigar, yours blue as the sky. "You're muse when it comes to do something from heart."

You sighed. "Then why haven't you told me?"

"Haven't I warned I'm evil?"

You wanted to say I'm the nicest person you ever met. But the fact that I lied you about what I feel for A YEAR, made me believe the opposite.

"You did... BUT YOU ARE NOT, REBEKA!" you shouted at me, fatherly, as you always do.

"I LIED I LOVED YOU." I shouted, then I let the cigarette hit the ground and I stepped on it out of anger...

My tears ran on my face faster than lightnings striking on your sky...

"Why whenever I asked you, you denied?"

"I don't think I said "I hate you"... Although when you left me in my worrying over you, I was a bit... Just never said "I love you" in a way to seem I actually do."

"Why?"

So that you could fucking find out yourself.

"Do you think I was able to compete with all the beauty around you?" I said. I started remembering all the times girls would go head over heels and try to get laid with you while we both went out with our friends.

"Either way... You should have told me."

"And tell you that you were right?" I said, jumping off that bench, and having the back facing you.

You lifted up and hugged me. Kissing my forehead you shushed me and my tears. "Only once you'll hear me saying: "You were right. You cannot control your feelings." " I said, caressing your loving arms that held me.

"I'm always right." You said, trying to lose the tension between us... "But you'll be left to live soon." I replied, letting you go.

I left and went back home. Then, after an hour, you appeared at my door. A single, white rose in your hand.

"I'm sorry."

Out of rage and feelings I kissed you. No warning whatsoever. Just straight a kiss.

∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆

It's amazing how revealing stuffs can heal you... And darling, you deserve the best. I'm glad the feeling was mutual at the time. I hope it still is and will be until God knows when.

This is my side of how I felt that day. You told me I should publish some of my diares... I wanted to start with this page...

You don't want a Wattpad though. But this is my gift to you. Happy anniversary.