Short Stories

What I Miss

A/N: I wrote this in class actually. Specifically after I finished answering the papers during last exam. The teacher saw it, I think, but didn't say anything tho

It was raining just the way I like it; not a thundering storm nor a faint tip-tap pitter-patter. Just a soft calm drizzle that ease the nerves underneath my skin. It's been clawing lately, in a way that I wish I could released it every so often without anyone bewildering over my actions. I missed talking to people, really. No, I'm not talking about chatting away of nothings, at nothings but to have one-on-one. I missed looking forward to someone and mentally fist pumping in the air when they were in my sight. I missed the shiver that ran down my spine and the involuntary rapid heartbeats in my chest thay almost deafened my ears when their voice piped up.

I missed having butterflies that roamed and scattered in my tummy, sweaty palms and dry mouths when conversation, both light and heavy sparks between us. I missed giggling uncontrollably and sighed helplessly when they did something that were just...them. I missed staying up at night waiting for them to start the everything with a 'hi' and I miss the heavy feeling but content when the 'goodbye' part begins. Not to forget about all the sick and sometimes crazy-totally-not-going-to-happen daydreams that cost me a hundred of smacks on my arms when my friends realized that I wasn't listening. I missed the shameless stalking whether at school or on the social medias and the exciting nauseaus feeling you get when they noticed you watching. I missed the inside jokes, the knowing glances, the secret smioe and the shared laughter. I missed how our eyes met even from a distance that had felt a miles away; that was until you smile.

And I was a total goner.

That miles turned to inches and your warmth is everything I wanted. And I wanted everything you'd come with. Including all the baggage you carried because isn't that's how it's supposed to be?

But I had to emphasize on the want. Because what about need?

Do you have what I need? Of course you do. It was you who found nothing in the world I was so ready to offer. I missed you, I really do and I'm still in the hole that I fell into whilst falling for you. And now I'm ready to let myself out because I can, no doubt.

I just need to hear it.

Because I don't miss the ignorance, the silence, the rejection, the tears and the disappointment but I do still hold the memories of our joy.

So if you wanted me to leave, to get out of from the depth of this grave I dug myself into, tell me why.

Why do you look for me in the first place?

Why do you hold me to only let me go in the end?

Why do you let me fall for you?

Why?