24 Hours

Hour Five, Six

“Morning is an important time of day, because how you spend your morning can often tell you what kind of day you are going to have.”  Lemony Snicket, The Blank Book

Hour Five, Six

        Tristan doesn’t have as hard a time coming up with a dare as I did, “I dare you to get in the fountain with me.” He emphasizes his dare by splashing water at me. I manage to move out of the way just in time to avoid getting wet. I guess it was only easier for him because all he did was steal my dare.

        “Okay, but you have to turn around.” I watch as he turns the opposite direction without asking any questions. I quickly strip out of my pink tanktop and gray skinny jeans. Then I kick off my sandals and hurry into the fountain. “You can turn around now.” The water isn’t really deep enough to swim in so we kind of just float around, instead.

        “Truth or dare?” I inquire.

        “Truth,” he answers.

        “Why were you at the diner so late tonight?” I ask curiously.

        He answers without hesitation, “That’s what time I always go to the diner. No one else is ever there and Will usually keeps to himself, so it’s a good place to go if you have a lot on your mind.”

        The way he says it makes it seems like he goes there a lot. “Do you always have a lot on your mind?”

        “You only get to ask one question. Truth or dare?”

        I go back to my usual answer, “Truth.”

        “Tell me about something sad that happened to you.” When he asks me to do that I’m not really sure what to tell him. Lately, it seems that everything that’s been happening to me is sad. 

        “This happened about two years ago."

        I mentally travel back in time.

         I was sitting in the school cafeteria with a bunch of my friends when the intercom came on and the school secretary called me to the principal’s office. All of my friends made fun of me. They were teasing me because I had never been in trouble and they just assumed that because I was being called to the principal’s office then I must be in trouble.” I take a deep breath and then continue with the story, “I was actually starting to get a little scared myself. I mean why else would they call me to the principal’s office. The whole time I was walking I was just thinking about what I could have done to get in trouble. I couldn’t think of anything and that just made me even more scared.

        So, I finally arrived at the office and at that point I was terrified beyond belief. The secretary, Ms. Johnson, looked up and gave me a kind of bittersweet smile. "Go on in," she told me. I walked in and the first thing I noticed was my mom sitting down across from the principal. The door shut behind me and my mom jumped up from her seat and pulled me into her arms. At that point, I was just confused. I mean I had thought I was in trouble but there was my mom hugging me as if her life depended on it. "Sweetie, we have to go to the hospital." My mom grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the office. She was in such a rush. I stopped in the middle of the hallway and demanded to know what is happening. I could tell that it was something bad and I had to know right then. It was easy to see that she didn’t want to tell me but I wasn’t giving her much of a choice.

        I snap back to reality because tears start to fall onto my face and I furiously wipe them away. Tristan moves through the water coming closer to me. He takes one of my hands in his. “It’s okay, Izzy. You don’t have to tell me. I’m sorry that I asked.”

        I shake my head. “No, I want to tell you. I just need a minute.” I haven’t talked about this in a long time in fact, I really don’t do much talking at all anymore.         

        I stare off into space as I think back again.

        She said, "I wasn’t going to tell you because your father wanted to tell you himself." Her eyes started to tear up but I didn’t care. I wanted, no, I needed to know. "Your father has pancreatic cancer, stage four. It’s untreatable, they’ve given him a week." I wanted to scream out at the injustice of it. My father was a good man, he didn’t deserve to die. I broke down in the hallway. I fell to my knees and just started crying. My mom sat beside me on the floor and pulled me into her. She had started crying with me. The hallways were filling with people and my mom and I were sitting on the floor bawling our eyes out. My dad died three days later.

        I furiously wipe away the traitorous tears that had fallen while I was telling my story. When my dad died, he told me not to cry for him. I had only cried for him on three occasions following that request.

        Before Tristan has the chance to say or do anything I say, “Truth or dare?” He just stares at me for a long time. He seems unsure of himself which is strange since I’m pretty sure he’s the most confident guy I’ve ever met.

        Despite his reservations he says, “Truth.”

        I look up at the sky and notice the it is starting to make that transition between night and day. “Do you believe in heaven?” I ask.

        I’m still looking up at the sky when I ask. He doesn’t answer and I glance over to see that he is also studying the sky. “I don’t know,” he pauses, “I don’t think I do. A long time ago, when I was little something really bad happened to me and I remember thinking I was going to die. As I sat there, facing death, I wanted to believe in heaven. I wanted to believe that after I died I wouldn’t just disappear forever. I wanted there to be a place for me. Then I remembered that where there is heaven, there is god. That made it harder for me to believe there was a heaven. I couldn’t believe that god would let something like that happen to a little kid and if he would then I wouldn’t want to go to his heaven anyway.”

        His whole body has tensed up and his fists are clenched in what seems like rage. “So, no I don’t believe in heaven.”

        I know that I shouldn’t pry but I can’t seem to help it. “After you got out of that situation, did you ever think that maybe it was god who saved you? I mean I know he’s supposed to be this powerful being who can do whatever he wants whenever he wants but maybe god thought that you were strong enough to handle it without divine intervention and when he realized you weren’t maybe he stepped up to save you. It could even be that he knew all along you would survive and if he had intervened then you wouldn’t be the strong person you are today.”

        He snorts, “I take it that you do believe in heaven.”

        I nod my head without hesitation. “I have to believe in it. I need to believe that my dad is still watching over me and taking care of me. No matter how unfair life is, I have to believe that maybe death is a little better. If I didn’t I don’t know if I could survive.”

        To lighten the mood I say, “Or maybe it’s like The Lion King and my father turned into a star the moment he died.” I chuckle, “Not that my father was a ‘great king of the past’ or anything like that.”

        Tristan must find what I say extremely funny because he bursts out laughing. A real laugh, not the chuckles he’s been letting slip out all day, but a belly-aching, mind-blowing laugh. He laughs for so long that I eventually start laughing with him.

        When we finally stop laughing, neither of us seem to have anything to say. Without saying anything, we both get out of the fountain and put our clothes back on. We’re still wet and so our clothes become damp. I glance up and see that the sun has started to rise. I sit on the side of the fountain again. Tristan sits next to me and we both watch as the sun relieves the moon of its duty. I clutch my stomach as I am hit with a sharp pain that travels to my back. I double over and all I can think is that there must be a heaven.