Sticks and stoners

iAm Zaire

   This is a little run-down of how Zaire's life used to be before he met Honae's group. There are also some flashbacks and they are not really nice since they include some violence but you can't change a characters backstory like that.

Zaire's POV

   I'm 19, like Honae but I was never treated the same at home. Sure I was rich and had all the friends I could get but nobody knew the real me, I guess.

   I never trusted anybody, if I couldn't trust my own family members, who else?

   I've never been in a position where I regretted my decision. It only comes down to one thing.

Survival.

It's never been put into words how I feel but I just wanted to tell you guys.

   I've never been into drugs. It just wasn't my thing, I guess. So many friends that feel that they cannot tolerate life any more have OD'd on them. I don't pity them. I don't have any regrets. Why should I? They are not me.

My mother was very useless. As a mother, she should have done more to protect me from the abuse that I was given when I was little. From that man.

Can I call him my father?

     Hell no. He was nothing but. I had to take care of everything from the waking up and paying bills to keeping them safe and making sure they continue to go to school. Five little siblings are a lot to handle. It doesn't matter that I'm the oldest. The oldest doesn't matter.

Doesn't matter at all.

One time that man came so drunk from home and my siblings were coming back from after school club. It was so so bad.

    Absolutely bad. I have no words. Other than she didn't protect me. Or them. Or all of us. From him.

Wednesday evening. 4:55  Previous Belvedere house

It was a pretty regular evening. Mom was already ignoring me and making dinner for the twins and the triplets. Probably she'll burn it and cry in the room. She normally does that. It's not really out-of-the-blue. She always does this.

Before he comes back.

She didn't marry him. He's the boyfriend. The one that just wouldn't leave even if you wanted him to. The abusive one. Luckily he has never touched my siblings. Or we would be gone by now. He only does it to me, not even to my mother.

Mother....

She doesn't derserve to be called a mother. She is useless and cries herself to sleep when the boyfriend comes back home drunk, angry that he lost on his bets, lost all the money to pay for the rent. Sometimes he's just angry at me because I work extra jobs to keep the family under control. Most of this stuff was bought by me.

My eyes drift towards the kitchen door. If I could buy that whole kitchen just to keep my siblings from starving to death, I would. I always put them before me.

They always count.

To me, blood is thicker than water.

  Not that my mother and that           ^$"%& -  count

"ZeeZaa!! What's for dinner?" The twins Sophie and Sallie come through the door and smiling, dump their school bags in the hall way. I come out of the living room to greet them. Sallie runs up to me and I grab her by the waist and swing her around in circles. I settle her on my hip as I take Sophie on my other hip.

"I dunno. Let's go ask momma."

We walked, more like me dragging them along my hips, egging me to faster, to the kitchen where my mother was cooking food. Likely to burn, as I said. Mother was cooking eggs and chips although I'm not completely sure that you put chips inside a pan on top of the stove. I was on my way to tell her when the front door banged shut.

Mother and I turned at the same time, both realising at the same time, reluctant to see the truth.

He was back too early.

And the siblings were still in the house, not at the neighbors.

This meant trouble for all of us.

---

"So what's for dinner?" He jokingly said, as he strolled into the kitchen. He saw the kids and stopped. It seemed like time had frozen and he was the one controlling it. Mother obviously wouldn't stop him. After all, she, like I had previously said, was undeniably useless.

"I said," he continued, looking us all in our faces, taking in our expressions, Mother and I anxious and nervous, Sallie and Sophie confused ,"What. Is. For. Dinner?"

"U-uh I made uh um eggs a-and um chi-chips." Mother, shaking and stuttering, as she spoke direct to the boyfriend.

"What did you say?"

  Mother looked terrified as the boyfriend took a step towards her. He had never done anything in front of the kids. He normally dragged me out to have a little 'talk'. Whilst the siblings were watching Spongebob. Guess where mother was. Crying on the couch. Useless as always.

"I did not ask you anything. I asked my dear friend Zaire. If I  asked you, I would turn to you."

Sophie and Sallie started to pull on my top. They were already getting scared because of his behavior. They were never here. Always at the neighbours. Where they should be right now. Which reminded me.

"I need to take the twins to afterschool club."

That man swung around and stared at me. Because I was staring at his face, I was not paying much attention to his hands. He pulled out a gun, with a silencer attatched and put it on Sallie.

" I'll ask again. Since you did not answer my question, wh-"

    I'm sorry but I just can't go through that pain again. It was hurtful then and its still hurting when I talk about it. 

I might finish another time but probably not right now.

  But I met Honae and my life had meaning again.