Your Reality | 707

"How could you?"

A broken promise,
How tragic it is for you
To have been betrayed.
-Tahira (me)

"No one will love you."
"You're weak."
"You'd be better off dead."

Those were the thoughts that would so often plague my mind. I'm useless; there is no point to my existence. Why am I still alive? If God really cared for me, then he would have ended my life a long time ago. It just goes to show that you can't put your faith into anyone— in every circumstance you'll be hurt, as I was.

The one man whom I thought I could trust, the one man whom I gave up my life for, and he couldn't repay me. No. He didn't even save me as he had promised. All I wanted, rather, all I needed, was to get away from them and disappear. And he couldn't even do that for me.

"V... how could you?"

***

"Oh God..." he rose up from his desk, massaging his face, trying to remove the marks from his keyboard and leftover residue of PhD. Pepper, "my head hurts so badly..."

"Well, Luciel," Vanderwood began, "maybe if you took care of your fucking health like every other agent, then you wouldn't be complaining every five goddamn seconds, and you would actually get shit done!"

"Alright, sorry madam, no need to swear at me..." he replied.

Vanderwood shook his head in annoyance, "I said don't call me 'madam'—you know what? I'm not gonna bother talking to you. Just hurry the fuck up and finish your bloody work unless you want the client to kill you!" he yelled as he walked out of the room, taking the thrown-away cans with him.

Luciel chuckled and went back to his task. The rhythmic clicking of his typing would calm him, and created a feeling of contempt.

***

This Luciel seems familiar, doesn't it? The one that you are accustomed to, with his regular digs at Vanderwood, and the same meals he would normally eat? Yes this would be true in the world in which he was found and cared for, where he was taken in by the RFA, and had become useful; however, now, the Luciel that you love— he does not exist.

I went to church once again, this time stopping to admire the building and surroundings. The church itself was small, however the effort they put into designing the exterior was extraordinary. The path led from the pedestrian sidewalk all the way to the door of the building. It was made out of cobblestone, and it gave off a medieval atmosphere.

On either side of the path there lay rows of flowerbeds, consisting of a wide variety of flowers, each telling their own story. The ones that caught my eye the most were the blue roses; their beauty was alluring, yet somehow saddening. As if to pull you in with pity, then to prick you with its thorn when you least expect it.

But they were... his favourite.

I entered the church and walked over towards my usual seat, hoping to find V there waiting for me; to my surprise, he wasn't. As I sat down, I scanned the room, thinking he might have moved somewhere else, yet this was to no avail. He wasn't here.

"Luciel...?" I heard a voice calling, "are you looking for someone?"

My gaze was met by a familiar pair of lime green eyes: Rika. "Haha... uh yes actually... umm, do you— do you know where V— I mean Jihyun... is?"

I saw a look of hesitation in her face, before she abruptly covered it with a smile and said, "Oh... he's uh- not really... feeling very well," after hearing a small sigh escape from me, she continued, "...maybe you'll see him in the next service?"

I sighed again, "Yeah... maybe..."

This wasn't like V. He would never miss seeing me, whatever the reason. And he rarely ever gets ill. I don't even remember the last time he had a cold! Maybe I'm just overreacting and he is just sick? I guess it's just been programmed into me to become paranoid and wary at any little thing that goes wrong...

I waited until the end of the service, before getting up to leave. Normally I'd stay for a few minutes with V and he'd bring me some extra food to take home, but seeing as he's unwell, I guess I'll just have to go.

It was becoming early evening when I left. The sky was taking on dark shades as the sun began to set. This was my favourite time of day. The way the colours swirled together— blue, pink, red and purple— creating an explosion of different shades, all happening in the one same sky.

"V, could you capture this with your camera for me, please?"

I reached my front door and opened it as slowly as humanely possible, making sure I made no sound. I didn't want to be caught; I couldn't let him see me hurting.

I tiptoed inside and clicked the door shut, not locking it in order to avoid more noise. Whilst walking down the corridor I saw my mother passed out in the living room, holding a bottle of whiskey.

"Phew..." I sighed, "she's asleep. I'm really lucky..."

"Saeyoung?" It was my twin brother, Saeran. "Were you at church? Did you bring anything for me to eat? She said I was too bad today... she didn't let me have any food..."

"I'm so sorry Saeran but this is all I could get," I passed him the half of the loaf of bread I was given during the service, "but I promise next time I'll get more!"

"Oh, it's okay Saeyoung... I'm just happy that you're back!" he said, beaming. Just his smile was enough for me...

"Saeran let's go upstairs before mother wakes up and starts shouting at us." He nodded in reply and we walked up the stairs towards our room.

I really hope nothing bad ever happens to him. If he were to ever be harmed... God knows what I would become tempted to do.

For the rest of the night I opened my textbook and went over the lessons I had learnt in the past week. V told me that I couldn't afford to make any mistakes on a job so I had to know everything fully.

"Saeyoung what are you reading?" my brother asked.

"It's nothing for you to worry about... all you need to know is that once I memorise everything from this book I'll earn lots of money and be able to get you out of here, so have faith, okay?"

"Oh, okay! Once we leave this place you'll buy me ice cream, right?!"

"Haha, yes of course I will, Saeran," I replied, causing him to smile.

I've always just wanted what's best for him; I just... want him to be happy.

***