Overweighting my own decisions.
If you drop a very expensive vase on the floor, and break it.. What do you do? Do you throw it away, or do you work hard to fix it?
In most cases, if it's really important to the person, they will pick it up, and work for hours or maybe even years to put it back together.
Not with glue. But with gold.
If you're going through so much at one time, and feel like you have no control over anything.. You shut down.
You control the only thing you're able to control and that's your body.
I beat myself down, starve, purge, over-exercise and hurt my body just because I loathe the way my body was made into.
For that, I am sorry body, you deserve better.
I'm conflicted between my mental care-takers/abusers.
These things wrap their arms around me, and the warmth they have circulates through my body like fire.
I sink into their unbelievable warmth and somehow feel relieved when I realise that even if these things aren't physical, they're mental, and sometimes make me feel more loved then I currently feel in the real world.
Speaking of love, I always asked myself; why do we date people who treat us like the dirt they walk on?
As I pondered and pondered, I watched a movie.
The Perks of Being a Wallflower.
This movie claimed to me, that we only go for the love that we believe we deserve.
I was always with depressing people who made nearly everything about themselves, and never had anything to say back to me if I were deep in the blues.
Do I deserve being with people who lower every one of my values?
Do you?
Do I have to 'cry' you a river in order for me to build a bridge and get over it?
YOU ARE READING
Elegiac
Non-FictionThese are all the things I had written while being in a hospital for a while. You don't have to like them, I'm just putting them out there for you guys to see. It was at an eating disorder clinic that basically treated me like complete shit. It's a...
