Counterfeit Children (KURT COBAIN)

19. you

kurt's arms folded on a worn tabletop in a coffee shop. my mother sat beside me, they talked about school, his dad, the stuff you talk to your friends parents about.
my mother sipped blond coffee out of a pale pink mug, placing it on a saucer before brushing her dark hair out of her eyes.
"your nose is looking okay, huh kurt?" she asked, gently grabbing his chin to inspect his nose from across the table.
"yeah it's okay," he said, moving his arm to cover a hickey on his neck.
my mother noticed, though.
"oh who's the lucky lady?" she asked excitedly, bending her head toward him like a child at a sleepover. she was tuned in. kurt shrugged back and laughed, running long slender fingers through his short hair. he smiled, his front teeth showing.
"classified information, mom," he laughed. my mother responded with a "oooh" before turning to me.
"are you interested in anybody, gar?" she asked. my mother was normally not interested in this girl talk, but this was her night out with her oldest, dad in charge of the kids, so it was inevitable.
"decline to state," i said with a mischievous smile, rapping my knuckles against the oak surface beneath my elbow. i pulled the cup of earl grey up to my lips and sipped on it.
"you got to tell me, i'm your mom," she said, nearly begging me.

"wait," she said, her eyes widening. i blushed. kurt blushed. our fate was sealed.
"oh my god i'm planning the wedding now," my mother started smiling the biggest smile i've ever seen.
"kurt me and your mother have dreamt of this since we got pregnant," my mother said, holding his hand under hers. kurt smiled big too.
"so you're not mad?" i asked her. she shook her head.
"you are never shutting your bedroom door again," she started, gesturing towards kurt's neck.
"but i'm not mad," she finished. we breathed a collective sigh of relief, happy to not be hiding such a massive thing. kurt took a sip of his cocoa to hide his smile.
"oh yeah, i was wondering if you wanted to go on vacation with us to california?" my mom asked kurt.
"oh i don't want to burden you," kurt said, looking down.
"no of course you won't. we're driving and you can sleep with the kids. won't be any issue," she explained to him.
"i'll have to ask my dad," he said, obviously stoked at the prospect.
"please do," my mother said.

after awhile we had finished our drinks and pastries made that morning, and we walked out into the dark aberdeen street. the streetlights on market illuminated orange, the same orange light kurt was basked in being pushed down the street in a shopping cart. we walked by the salvation army with the christmas decorations still in the windows, a woman walking her dog, past the bus station that would eventually get me out of this town.

i wanted out so bad, unbelievably bad. I just didn't know where i'd go.

later that night after we had returned home, kurt and i no longer had to live in fear of waking up cuddling. i laid on my back and his arms wrapped around my torso, his head buried in between my neck and my shoulder.

"do you ever want out of this place?" i asked him, deep in my own thoughts, the bedside lamp illuminating my anxiety. he nodded quietly, his hair getting in his eyes.
"we should move to seattle after we graduate," he said hopefully.
"think bigger, like LA," i said. staring at the ceiling. he shrugged a bit.
"anywhere with you is fine."

i feel like half way through this i lost all of my artistic ability and just. wrote words instead of writing pretty flowery words and i'm genuinely so angry about that. anyways. i'm sorry! nobody reads this anyways
also pastries was pasties cuz i don't edit and /: