My Islamophobic Bully, the Gangster

3. Letting Go

Jawa

"Hello dear," The lady began, "I am Senna Del Monte," she paused, "Muhammad says you're his sister"

I nodded.

"What's your name honey?"

"Jawa," I said simply.

"Well, your brother is beautiful, honey, and I want to adopt him,"My mouth opened from shock. Why was she telling me this?

I couldn't comprehend her words and I wanted to shout at her but I was scared of the bodyguards behind her.

"No," I answered softly.

She looked at me upset before she talked, "I have been in contact with Ms.philps for over three months now trying to adopt your brother, I will give him a better home and I will never hurt him and when the time comes where Muhammad is comfortable enough with my son and me, I will let you visit him, but I want you to talk to him since he requested for me to talk to you first and get your permission, "

Tears began to form in my eyes. I knew it was too late to say anything since I said No but she contacted Ms.philps, she will end up taking him, It was nice enough for her to at least tell me.

"What do you say?" She asked

"Take me with him,"I answered simply with a pleading voice.

I couldn't do anything for her to stop adopting Muhammad but I can plead for her to take me with him.

She smiled sadly, "I can't, I have a son who is about your age." She answered as she looked back at Muhammad, I began pleading for over five minutes as I told her my story but she didn't seem to even flinch and she kept repeating 'that she couldn't adopt me'

I didn't get why her having a son my age got anything to do with this but I knew she was only saying that because she didn't want me and I needed to accept that, the people who really wanted me died.

 I looked at Muhammad. He was laughing as the boy told him something funny, then he tickled him. he let his head fall back and laughed and squirmed. I had never seen him so happy.

Her eyes met mine and in that instant, I knew my answer. Her smile disappeared but her eyes, her big bright green eyes stayed bright and happy.

I turned back to Senna and nodded "I don't have a choice now, Do I ?" I whispered. 

"Think about your brother," She answered simply with a blank stare.

I thought, "I want him to be happy," Although the words killed me, he will hate me forever if I kept him from having a family.

Senna smiled brightly "Thank you, dear, I know that this must be hard on you. I promise to take good care of him. And when you get your own family, you give us a ring" She said, handing me a piece of paper with her number.

I looked at it and then clutched it tightly. "Can I say goodbye?" I whispered, tears threatening to fall. I wiped them, determined not to let her see me sad.

Senna nodded and stood, motioning for me to come too.

"Muhammad, honey, your sister has said that she wants you to be adopted," Senna said to him.

Muhammad's eyes widened but rested on me. I nodded and he flung himself at me. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I love you, I forget you NO" he whispered as I managed to laugh at his broken English as I felt my heart starting to shatter.

I took a piece of paper out of my pocket. Something that I cherished for the past 4 years. "I want you to have this," I said, pressing it into his hand.

he stared at it with shock. It was a faded, torn, creased photo of myself, her and our parents with a writing in the back saying 'Love for the sake of Allah'. In the photo, my mother was trying to hide her face as she just gave birth to Muhammad and I was sitting on the bed beside her and my smile was huge as one arm of mine was around her neck and the other was holding my father's hand as he was kissing my mother's forehead. We were all smiling, we were all happy.

I never knew that this was the last time that I would be that happy.

"Never forget where you came from, please," I pleaded.

He hugged me again and I hugged him back. Then, Mrs.Miller came over.

"If you will follow me," She said, nicely. She needed to keep up appearances.

Senna and her son stood, then Senna waited, looking back at her new son. My old brother.

Muhammad stared at me before kissing my cheek. "Ma'a Salama Jawa. I love you" he began to let tears fall. I didn't know what to do. So I wrapped my arms around him and then whispered: "I entrust you with Allah with whose trusts are never lost,"

"Don't look back Mohammad, just walk out that door," I said sternly, knowing if he did look back to me, I wouldn't be able to let him go. He sniffed before taking Senna's hand and walking out of the door.

I went upstairs to my room after that, and brought my prayer rug and then covered my head with my hands. There, I cried.

I remembered my father telling me 'to never forget Allah is by your side. He loves you more than a mother loves her child, so don't be shy to pour your heart out to Him and cry!' after I saw him cry on his prayer rug.