All I want

n i n e

I had never felt so vulnerable as I felt today. Not only did Mark call out to me for being irresponsible but he also showed that side of him that I wish I'd never seen.

He looked like he was about to blow up any minute.

As I recall the way his eyes threw daggers at me, I felt a heavy baggage weighing me down. My throat felt scratchy, like a ball was lodged inside it. My eyes burned with unshed tears but I kept biting my lip to keep myself from falling apart.

He forgot all these years.

As I'm wallowing in my own depressing thoughts in the secluded corner of  this huge school, the bell rings sharply disturbing the silence that had enveloped me. I recall that I'm supposed to be in my Biology class but with a mood like this I'd rather run away than be surrounded by numerous people.

I register distant voices of people shouting as they rush from one class to another. I feel hollow inside all of a sudden and I feel like curling into a ball and shutting the world out.

I'm about to throw my backpack away in silent rage when I hear footsteps approaching in my direction. I straighten my back and wipe my eyes before turning my face to the wall. I'm internally wishing that whoever passes by doesn't stop to see who is hiding behind the veil of her unruly hair. When a pair of boots clink just a few steps away from me, I cringe internally. They stop and I don't hear them going away. Someone is watching me and I want to smash that person.

I sigh, calming a bit before raising my head to look at the person. I look bravely at Samuel before cautiously raising my eyebrows in surprise. He stands there narrowing his eyes slightly, holding his strap of his bag tight in his right hand.

I don't know what the right words are to say to him after my cold behavior towards him so I hang my head low and scoot closer to the wall beside me. He doesn't move though.

I can't even meet his gaze.

I'm so horrible.

I feel him come and sit beside me but he leaves a good amount of space between us. Moments pass by and I cower minute by minute having no strength to apologize.

I feel him shift closer to me and he does a warm gesture by placing his hand gently on my own. His large hand engulfs mine and just like that the contact triggers my eyes to leak the tears I had been holding back till now. I sniff and cover my face with my other hand and turn my face away from him.

I don't remember how much time I spent there embracing the fact that I have no value in the eyes of someone I would happily take a bullet for.

Samuel is quite all the while, he just holds me when I lean on his shoulder.

When I'm sure there are no more tears hiding behind my eyes I hold my head up and wipe my eyes again. "I'm sorry," I say straightening up and rubbing the handkerchief across my nose.

"Its okay," He says softly intertwining his now empty hands.

"No, I'm sorry for ignoring you today, you didn't deserve it" I say this with all honesty. I turn my face to him and look at his face, its void of all shine under this poorly lit corner.

"And let me repeat, its alright," He says looking at me right in the eyes. There's a softness in his eyes I haven't seen before. It makes me irk that I don't know the reason behind the care he has shown me today.

"Just forget how that thick head treated you today. Clear your mind up," he says getting up and stuffing his hands in his pocket. He pulls his bag higher on his shoulder staring at his shoes.

When he's about to walk away my lips call out to him. He stops and turns his head slightly.

"I'm really sorry,"I whisper and when he lightly shakes his head I know he heard it.

"I have one free advice for you. Don't harbor feelings for him, I know you like him, I just know." He turns around and stares hard at me and my heart falters a bit. "Save yourself and forget him"

With those words he walks away leaving me in my own volley of thoughts.