The Unstoppable Fetish

stamina gained back

'I will never in my life chase a guy again . I will never crave a guy's love again.  I will coax them with all my great potential and might to bestow me a scholarship . I'll study hard, earn the money and leave the country. No spared room for filthy smutty bastards . I will make it all in all revolve only around me . me,  Serena. '

I traced the very tips of my fingers across the letters I wrote down five months ago . Five months have flown by since the calamitous event. Five months have worn on since that tragic heartbreak. Five months have elapsed and I couldn't feel any better. He was a monster. Our conversations were a total chaos full of forlorn words . If a drama king title happened to ever exist, it would nonchalantly suit him well. The only guy I've ever confessed my genuine pure feelings and unfolded my precious emotions to.The only guy to whom I made several attempts to ease his anguish away .The only guy I thought was mature enough to treasure me, broke my virgin heart.

" Girl , you better move your fine ass and hurry up ! Standing there like the statue of liberty and halting everytime you pass by those creepy words you wrote won't get you to Moscow. BUT! A plane would do the job , so hurry the hell up ! " said my too-fabulous-to-live best friend Lina , with her small hands firmly placed on her hips . Wait .Why am I best friends with her again ? Oh , yeah totally forgot . We both are the baddest coolest bitches you never met . Both heartbroken , both witty , shrewd and fine ass girls . We can totally use only harsh words to lambaste a filthy harlot over . People were amazed by our honesty spoken out , yet feared getting close to us . Too much of self-confidence? I suppose that's what heartbreaks are at least good at. They  slowly ignite within your once euphoric soul ; a bold one instead .We both look forward to be strong and independent women . Guess we're just on the very right path.

" Drop the bossy attitude Lina. You know me too well that it won't affect my brain cells . I'm aware of the timing , we still got half an hour ahead to get ready . And as you can clearly see I'm almost done ." I responded wearily . They were all still not over the fact that I'll be leaving on my own abroad yet.

"It's just ..I really am going to miss you . I hate that you'll be leaving but I can't stop being delighted to see you going to kick ass and achieve your dreams ." she whined and collapsed on my bed " Plus you'll be having all the yummy hottie boldie men and I'll be here . Surrounded by the sloppy jerks. All alone. An easy target for the hyenas." She stated putting on her best puppy eyes and pouty lips.
I stared at her blankly for a moment and threw my head back laughing .
" I can't believe you are actually thinking that I'll be jumping some guy's bones and forget about your little ass! We've got a deal remember? Bitches before snitches, that's right! Now we both are going to work on your mid-term scholarship and then you can easily keep track of your writing career in Moscow too . Your visa shit is all on me, and then you can have all the yummy shitty guys for free ."
" God how much I love you! You're the best Serena any one could ever wish for !"
" I know right, I am ." We both wiggled our eyebrows and giggled.
" Try to stay safe . Two months will seem longer than Jonah Falcon's dick without my superb presence . I love you ."
"Oh I love you too . I will be waiting for you to settle in Moscow with me too " I said while hugging her tightly.

" Yeah .. anyway it's time to go . Ready to face the world young lady ? "
" I think so , Lina .. Here it goes ." With that I took a last overall glimpse of my bedroom , my past captured eighteen memories flooded my mind. It was me , it was all me . Experienced the bad and good , the bitter and the sweet , the ugly and the beautiful. It all made who I am now. You should be grateful for who you are too.

*************

Moscow has a great vibe, great party and food. That's what autumn looks like in here, a fascinating yet odd mixture between both beautiful rainy days and hot summer ones . It's been a serene month since my arrival in here. I'm all settled in and I love my apartment which is quite near the faculty. I've also had arranged my stuff and negotiated my accomadation and study papers with my college chancellor . Everything seems for once peaceful . It was very featureless until it abruptly hit me hard . Tomorrow is my very first day of college, with thousands of other foreign and local students. Me . The so called Serena is going to be a drop in the ocean . I felt waves of anxiety rush through my veins, a foreboding message squirreling through my body. It all brought back those dark nightmares of me being this shy , distant and introverted girl . The girl who never dared to get out of her comfort zone, never dared to...
I held my head with my hands tightly and shook it viciously. 
" I am fierce enough to handle this " I scoffed ." I will accomplish anything I put my mind to. Never underestimate yourself , Serena. Never " I breathed heavily murmuring to myself.