Every Last Tear(s.m)

Chapter Six

**Alaska's POV**

I take the hand and stand up. After I am on my feet, I release the hand and look up. He wasn't bad looking if I do say so myself. He had beautiful brown hair and these big brown eyes. He was perfect.

"I'm so so sorry. I didn't see you coming out of your room." He says, sweetly.

"Oh no. Your fine. It was completely my fault. I should have been paying more attention." I say quickly.

"Hahaha well, I was the one who made you fall," he says smiling, "I'm Shawn."

"Alexis." I say, shaking his hand.

"Where were you going?" He asks curiously.

"I was heading to the stage downstairs so I can practice for this thing tomorrow." I say, holding up my guitar.

"Oh, are you in Magcon?" He asks me.

"Um, yeah. You know about it?" I ask him back, maybe I'll get to see him around more.

"Yeah! I'm a performer." He chuckles. Oops... "I was just down at the stage practicing my songs. Looks like you have the same idea." He continues, smiling. Okay, he's really cute.

"Yeah. Well, I better get going." I say, avoiding eye contact and walking past him.

When I get to the stage I sit on a stool, thinking of a song. I decide to do Hallelujah by Leonard Cohen. I sit up and start to play the song.

I've heard there was a secret chord

That David played, and it pleased the Lord

But you don't really care for music, do ya?

I felt all alone, I liked it that way. Playing in the quiet room. But then as I finished, I heard clapping. Like, a lot of clapping. I look to the side of the stage and saw them. All nine of the boys and Mahogany. I'm not sure how long they were there, but they were still watched me. Who told them I was down here? I stand quickly and set my guitar down, running out of the room, not looking back.

I go up to a random floor and walk to the end of a hallway. I sat on the ground by the window and cried. Why I was crying, I have no idea. Maybe it was because I felt betrayed? Someone told them I was there. It was either the girls or... or Shawn.

I know it wasn't the girls though, they wouldn't do that to me. It was Shawn.

Why? Why would he tell everyone that I was down there? Did me running away from him in the hallway some how set off a vibe that he was allowed to come listen to me and bring everyone along to the show? FUCKING NO.

Maybe next time I should pass out fliers to everyone saying that I'm going down there? They seemed to think there was an open invitation to come and secretly listen to me.

I'm probably overreacting. Okay, I am overreacting. Why am I fucking overreacting?

I take a couple deep breaths and reach into the pocket of my sweatshirt. The marker. If I can't have my blade then this is what I'm going to do. I pull up the sleeve on my left arm and look at all my scars. There are so many.

*Flashback*

I take out my blade. This has been an everyday thing now. Crying, I pulled up my sleeve and sat against the bath tub.

One cut turned into ten, turned into twenty. Each time going deeper into my skin.

I couldn't stop. After about thirty on one arm, I went to the other. Doing the same thing. My vision started to get black spots.

'This is it' I thought to myself.

'It's okay, stop trying' I keep thinking.

'Stop fighting it. Everyone wants it to happen'

'No one will care when your gone, give up'

'Just let go, you'll be okay'

'When you finally stop, you'll be a lot happier'

'It's okay to let go'

My vision went dark and I felt relived.

I woke up in the hospital.

No! This wasn't how it was supposed to be! I'm supposed to be dead! Why am I here??

I look around, and I saw her. Jordi. She found me. She brought me here. I look down at my arms, they have bandages on them, some cuts have stitches.

"Alaska..?" I hear Jordi whisper to me.

I turn my head and look at her. Tears streaming down her face. She comes over and hugs me.

"I'm going to help you through this. You will get better. And that is a promise I intend to keep." She coos into my ear.

*End of Flashback*

By now I can't stop crying. I put the marker back in my pocket. 'You don't need it' I think to myself.

I sit there, looking at my arms still. I don't even hear someone walk up to me until he spoke.

"Yo-you cut yourself?" I turn to see Shawn. I look away immediately and pull my sleeves down.

"That's none of your business." I stand up and try to walk past him but he grabs me and pulls me into his chest. I finally give up and hug him back, tears keep streaming down my face, new ones to replace the old dried ones.

After a while I pull away, starring at him.

"You told everyone, didn't you?" I ask him, quietly.

"I-I didn't know you would care so much..." He says, looking down.

"It's okay, I overreacted a bit. But what just happened here, you saw nothing, do you understand? You tell no one and I mean NO ONE." I say, he nods his head and I start to walk down to my room.

I feel bad for being so stern with him, but he saw something no one was supposed to see, and I'm not so sure I can trust him after that stunt he pulled earlier...