The best kept secrets aren't hidden in closets (Gintama FF)

Sadists are as dangerous as murderers if it's dark

"Oi, Sougo."

"What is it, Rashii-kun?"

"Has Hijikata-san seemed...distracted lately?"

"No. Why?"

Yuu glanced over her shoulder at their commanding officer, who was lying in a charred heap in the middle of the training room.

"Well," she pointed a thumb over shoulder at Hijikata,"I was just thinking...doesn't he usually dodge stuff like that?"

Sougo turned to face her, taking a sip of his tea before he answered. "I guess so. Remember, Rashii-kun, Hijikata-san isn't naive enough to think that he doesn't risk his life every moment he bears the title of Vice Commander of the Shinsengumi."

Yuu sweat dropped."I imagine you had something to do with bringing him around to the idea."

"If he doesn't have the skills to carry that burden, then he should give up his position and leave."

She leaned forward, resting her cheek in her palm. "He'd die before that happened."

Sougo's eyes glowed with sadistic malice. "Oh, well."

Yuu shook her head despairingly. "I should've known I can't rely on you to have a serious conversation. It's almost as bad as trying to talk to Chin-san."

"What do you mean? You only met danna a chapter ago. How could you have a serious conversation with him in that time?"

"The author is already imagining plot points that she has no idea how to work into the story, Sougo. It doesn't take much imagination to guess what sort of things she's scheming."

"Right."

Sougo took another sip of tea. "Either way, Rashii-kun, do you care about Hijikata-san?"

"If you're hoping for a blush, you're going to be seriously disappointed."

"Eh? You're never going to find a love interest like that."

Yuu snorted. "Yeah, yeah."

Out of nowhere, a sword swung down between them, trying to part them with their left and right arms, respectively. They leant apart at the same time, eyes meeting in silent communication.

Sougo was the first to turn around and face their attacker. "You're not dead?It's a shame that you feel the need to lie to people, Hijikata-san. It will come back to bite you eventually."

Yuu turned after that and said in an identically bored voice,"It's cruel to tease youths, Hijikata-san. Raising young people's hopes and then mercilessly crushing them will lead to an era of depression."

Hijikata's face darkened. Yuu wondered if it would be wise to casually mention that if it darkened any further, he risked turning into a black hole. Somehow, she doubted it.

Sougo was carrying off the act of the innocent observer quite convincingly. She fought the urge to roll her eyes. The day that Sougo was innocent, hell would freeze over.

"If you two are so determined to make others see darkness, you can go and welcome them on the other side. Your division is on night duty until I say otherwise."

Yuu almost flinched. She just managed to hold onto her nonchalant expression. Sougo, on the other hand, remained unperturbed. "Just be careful, Hijikata-san. You never know who might be wandering the streets at night. Violence is never far away these days."

It was at that moment the Vice Commander realised his error. Yuu was almost certain that she'd never seen anyone's face turn as pale as the colour of her superior's face in that moment. "Y-you don't say?"

Sougo nodded sagely."Yeah. Remember that guy we found behind the ramen shop? He was missing his-"

Yuu tuned out Sougo as he started going into detail on one of the Shinsengumi's more recent, gruesome murder cases. Death, as a premise, had never bothered her - people died all the time. She'd always amused herself with the thought that it was humanity's hobby - but she'd rather not insult the deceased by remembering the details of their demise.

The poor soul in question hadn't been the worst of the cases she'd sat through during her short time with the Shinsengumi, but that didn't change the fact that the scene of his death had been less than pleasant to deal with. Several of their officers had turned green and had to be excused due to weakness of the knees. Perhaps it was because she was a girl, but she just couldn't sympathise with the fact that he was missing his screwdriver*.

She glanced up at the sky. The sun was just beginning to taint the sky a strange mixture of orange and purple. The beauty of it never failed to amaze her but, at the same time, it troubled her.

"A red sky at night is a shepherd's delight, huh?""
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"What do you mean?"

"I, uh, just turned around and he was gone, sir."

Yuu leaned back against the police car with a sigh. Hijikata had been serious about punishing them with night patrol, which was how she found herself stuck wandering in the dark with Sougo, who was more dangerous than any serial killer.

Then the newest member of the division, Fujioka, had run up to her looking flustered and a little embarrassed and she knew her night wasn't going to remain as relaxed as it had been so far.

"So he just up and disappeared?"

Fujioka flushed a little, glancing down at his feet to avoid meeting her eyes. "Yes, sir. I'm sorry."

She frowned. "Don't apologise. You aren't his mother. If he chooses to wander away because he's a disrespectful thorn, then that's his problem. Let's hope he pricks someone else and stop being a nuisance to us."

Fujioka seemed surprised at how dismissive her tone sounded. "Okita-taicho-"

"-can look after himself. Kids won't grow if they can't leave the house. Do you want to stunt your son's growth, oka-san?"

The young man was silent. She paused for a moment, coming to the conclusion that she may have been a little harsh with him. Silence reigned until Yuu shook her head despairingly.

"Keep your radio on, Fujioka."

He blinked, unsure. "Uh...?"

Yuu shot him a meaningful glance. "Keep your radio on. Got it?"

At that moment, he realised what she meant. "Ah...y-yes, sir. Of...of course!"

She watched as he turned and ran up the street, fumbling with the radio clipped to his belt as he did so. It wasn't until he reached the corner that she called out to him. "Hey, kid!"

"Yes, sir?"

"Stop being so formal. It's Rashii."

"Uh...yes, Rashii-san."

With that, he disappeared into the night and she hoped, for his sake, that he didn't find his captain. Sougo wasn't one for up and disappearing without a word, so chances were that, right now, he didn't want to be found.

She ran a hand through her hair with a sigh, waiting until she heard Fujioka's footsteps fade away before she turned and wandered off in the opposite direction.

"I'm getting to soft for my own good."
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I'm alive (I think). After a ridiculously long wait, here's the next chapter. I feel bad for being so cruel to Hijikata, but he just has to suck it up for now.

-* Wiki-

Screwdriver - Taken from the arc where everyone had various body parts replaced with screwdrivers after they were kidnapped by aliens. My thanks to Gin-san for this nugget of inspiration.