Without You

• p a r t t w o •

Message Recieved 06:30 AM
From Carys

Hey Stellar. Long time no see! Sorry, bitter sense of humor I guess. Remember the day we met? The ice cream, and the countless days we spent together. The stars, our dreams, and us. We are the stereotypical 'two peas in a pod' but I think we were more than that. A lot more. You were my shoulder to cry on, you were my best friend, my light in the dark, confidant, and so much more. And I want to thank you. Honestly, these past few years, have been worth living. All because of you. I'm not sure if you were awake that time when I spent the night. But if not, you're probably sitting somewhere reading this like what the fuck Carys. But you're right, Estelle. What the fuck. Anywho, I told you that things hadn't been exactly great at home. And truly they weren't. Mum caught dad having an affair with his secretary. She didn't handle it well. I know that she blamed me. And my dad blamed me for her drinking. And most of all, I blamed myself. For their marriage falling apart. The things that I could have done, what I should have done. But it's too late. I know you think it's stupid of me, and I agree. But I knew you would eventually come last night. You're very predictable Estelle, but I love that about you. I knew my dad would be out with his mistress, and I knew mum would be out drinking. I locked the front door, because I knew you would come in through the balcony to my room like before. I wanted you too, because you need to learn that this time, I wouldn't be there to catch you when you fall. Not anymore, I'm sorry. I played it out in my head. And that's why I couldn't stand to see you. Because I knew you would change my mind, with those stubborn copper eyes, your feathered touch, and warm hands. But I can't let that happen again. Not anymore. Don't think of my actions as the way to remember me by. I want to be remembered for the great things. Do you recall the night we were on my balcony? And I told you that when we die, we become one of the stars? I told you that wasn't good enough for me. And it wasn't. I wanted to be my own whole damn constellation. Not just any. People will claim to see me dancing in the stars, but our little secret. Only you can find me. I want you to gaze up at the stars, and remember our days together. The constellations I would trace across your freckles. I'm sure as you're reading this, you can feel the tickle of the sharpie as it bleeds onto your skin. But that's me, Stellar. Look for me, okay? I'll be waiting.

Always,
Your stars