Love Potions and Other Desperate Measures

2: Between Friends

Love demands infinitely less than friendship. 

I seemed to be incapable of truly hating Mara. She was a sweet girl, and she was my best friend. We were thick as thieves. We were soul-matched. We were, for all intents and purposes, conjoined twins.

We were.

"Luc wanted me to help him pick a gift for you," I told her.

She looked up from her sand castle. At this time of the year, the beach was almost empty. We'd made around ten sand castles, and the beach looked like a mini kingdom.

"He did?" she didn't look happy. Her little black eyebrows were mashed in the middle of her forehead, and her lips were pursed in a cute way. I could never have hated Mara, but I swear, sometimes her cuteness got annoying. "He shouldn't have done that, Royce. I'm sorry." 

I expected this reaction from her. After all, she knew I was still into her boyfriend. She definitely loved Luc, and it's not that she's jealous. She just didn't appreciate what he was doing to me.

My role here was the poor best friend of the protagonist, who was pining away for the unattainable leading man. I was so pathetic, not even my love rival had the energy to feel any animosity towards me.

Love's such an asswipe.

"Yeah well, whatever," I said dismissively, like I couldn't have cared less.  "I won't help him. I'll still get you a gift, but Luc can fuss over what he's getting you all by himself," I said as I sat on the sand beside her. "As if I'm gonna let him beat me in my spot as número-uno in your heart!"

She giggled. "You can both be number one, you know. Like, in different categories. You're my number one friend, and he's my..." she glanced nervously at me and decided to have a change in topic. "Anyway, what's wrong with sharing me?" she playfully elbowed my ribs.

I feigned outrage. "I don't share!"

"Selfish woman," she said with a bright smile.

Sometimes, Mara's smile made me think that giving up on Luc was the right thing to do. Other times she seemed so smug, like she and Luc were as sure as the Law of Gravity.

I loved Mara. And I hated her, too. But I wasn't about to let her in on my deep, dark secret.

"Hey!" I blurted, "I'm actually very charitable! Remember when I gave you my favorite My Little Pony toy?"

She grinned wolfishly. This was a conversation we've had a million times, and she slipped right into our routine. "That was to exchange it with my Barbie doll, because your mom's a philanthropist who hated the 'social pressure' that Barbie dolls put on young girls, and because she's totally lame and forbade you from anything Barbie."

"Point taken. But how about that one time when I gave you this whole box of Oreos I brought to school when we were in fifth grade?"

"Ha. Invalid entry. You hate Oreos. When did you ever give me something you really wanted?"

She looked shocked at the words she said, but I didn't feel so surprised, because it was only a matter of time before some of her real thoughts came tumbling from her tiny lips. So I didn't answer her question, because between the two of us, the answer was blatantly obvious.

I gave her the one thing I really wanted when I introduced her to Luc three years ago.

After a long pause, she sighed, "I'm scared, R. We're never going to recover from this."

"Says who?" I asked, just for the sake of asking. It was a rhetorical question, because common sense itself was what said so. Mara was never going to be my best friend again, that much was obvious. Our bond was stained by Luc, and in the future, every time I'd like a guy, I'd be worried about her. She was by no means a sneaky boyfriend thief—because I only told her about my liking Luc after she started going out with him—but she triggered a lot of my insecurities. She was beautiful. She was charming. Her hair was always nice. I was a bitter girl with a misshaped nose and terrible brown hair. And that's putting it nicely.

"It's weird when I'm with him," said Mara. "When I'm alone with him, I keep feeling guilty. I love him so much, and that makes the guilt worse. I'm really sorry about this, Royce, but I can't leave him."

"You shouldn't. Why are we even talking about Luc like we're fighting over him? We're not, and I'm happy for you. I know that line is usually said with a bullshit accent, but I really am happy for you. I mean, Cripes, he really loves you, you know? Don't you know how hard it is to find someone who's even remotely capable of love?"

She blushed, like she always did whenever I told her that Luc was crazy about her. But then, as if remembering something, she frowned. "But you love him too."

My desperate grip on composure almost slipped. Her words gave life to the feelings I've been trying to kill for years. 

"I do have feelings for him," I admitted, "But Mara, I don't love him. Love is what you guys have. And my feelings don't discount the fact that he loves you. No attraction for him, no matter how strong, is going to make me want to change that. Remember when Kieran Zeitbaum dumped you? Nothing's gonna make me want to see that disaster again."

"Thanks for being such a good friend, R." She said with a sad smile. I remembered how tight we used to be, how we used to be closer than conjoined twins, and it made me want to hug her. Then I remembered how she just ruined my love life for dating Luc. Not that she did it intentionally, but the fact that she didn't even have to mean it just made me all the more infuriated. I was a big ball of insecurities, and I wasn't sure how to feel about Mara's apparent perfection.

"Yeah, sure." I mumbled, "Closer than sisters and thicker than blood, right?"

It was a line we always told each other when we were kids, after I wished for a sister and she decided that she'd be better than any sister I could've had. For a long time, it held true, and for a long time, it didn't.

When Luc came an hour later to pick her up, I smiled, sashayed around the sand like I didn't mind his presence, and waved when she left with him.

I was alone. Like I always was, and like I would always seem to be.

And that's when I heard the most god-awful scream that, I was yet to find out, would change my life forever.