When You're Ready

    Nick and Jeff were lying on Nick’s bed in their room watching movies one Saturday night. Jeff was snuggled up to Nick’s side, his head resting on his boyfriend’s chest. Nick kissed the top of Jeff’s head gently and Jeff looked up at his boyfriend, smiling. Leaning up, he pressed his lips gently against Nick’s who immediately deepened the kiss.

    “I love you,” Jeff mumbled and Nick moaned. He flipped them over so he was on top of Jeff. From his position he was able to remove his shirt easily. He leaned down quickly and recaptured Jeff’s mouth. Nick slowly tugged on Jeff’s shirt until the other boy helped him remove it. They gasped at the contact of skin on skin. Sure, they had both had their shirts off before when they were making out, but it was still a shock to the system every time. Nick ran his fingers down Jeff’s chest until he reached the waist band of Jeff’s skinny jeans. Jeff opened his eyes and gasped, pushing Nick off of him. Nick fell backwards and the blonde backed up so he was pressed again the wall. Nick looked at his boyfriend, slightly shocked by what had just happened and saw tears running down the other boy’s face.

    “Jeff,” he said quietly, “I’m sorry.” He reached out for his boyfriend but Jeff flinched away and drew his knees in tighter.

    “Jeff,” he tried again, “Please, tell me what’s wrong, you’re scaring me.”

    “I – I – I can’t – I can’t do that,” Jeff said between his sobs.

    “Okay, we don’t have to,” Nick said, slowly moving so he was sitting next to him, “I’m sorry if I moved too fast.”

    “It’s not that,” Jeff said, allowing Nick to wrap his arms around him, “I haven’t told you everything about myself.”

    “What d’you mean?” Nick asked.

    “Before I transferred to Dalton, I was bullied, kind of like Kurt. I got pushed into lockers, dumpster dives, that kind of thing. One day, I got tired of it and told them to leave me alone. They didn’t like that and that was when they beat me up…”

    “What else did they do?” Nick whispered.

    “They – they ra – they raped me,” Jeff sobbed, “They took that from me and now I’m not clean. I’m disgusting and broken and I’m so scared.”

    “Shhh, it’s alright, I’ve got you Jeff,” Nick whispered soothingly, “and you’re not disgusting. They hurt you, that is not your fault and that doesn’t mean you’re un-clean. You’re beautiful Jeff, okay? Absolutely gorgeous. This changes nothing about the way I feel about you. We won’t do anything until you’re ready, when you want to we will, I won’t make you do anything, I promise.”

    “I’m not ready,” Jeff told him.

    “That’s fine; I’ll wait until you are because I want to be with you Jeff and only you.”

    “I want to be with you too,” Jeff said, “One day, just not yet…”

    “One day, when we’re both ready,” Nick promised, kissing Jeff gently.