Sparks

Prologue

"What do you keep writing in that notebook?" Sander had no right to ask but he did anyways. He was rude like that. I hated him for it but I couldn't exactly say so. He was the boss when Mom decided to abandon us kids to the lonely nights. Sander always noticed the second Mom's car disappeared from the driveway. He would then come over and assert his dominance over Pagatti and I. What were we supposed to do?

"Nothing," I responded, slamming the black paper cover closed. I immediately regretted the action for it would smear the blue ink and ruin all my hard work. But I couldn't do anything about it now. Sander regarded me with an angry curiosity. It wasn't fair the way he looked at us.

To defend myself from his rage, I unfolded my legs and pushed myself to my feet. Without looking back at him, I went to my room and locked the door. I was scared about what he would do. I was scared for Pagatti who was in the shower and didn't know he was here. I was scared that I would hear her screams through the walls like I always did when he came. I was terrified that this time he would shut her up permanently.

My older sister was the prettier of us two. It was only fair that it be that way. She was mature. She was an adult only by a few months. But still a legal adult. She was out of school. She didn't have a job, but she was trying. She had told me so. She had said that when she had the money she was going to take me from this horrible place and that we would run away together and never have to see Sander or Mom again. Sometimes that made me nervous. But I trusted and loved Pagatti more than anyone else in the world.

I heard the water stop running and I found that I was holding my breath.  Waiting to hear what would happen when my sister found out that Sander was here. She hated him more than I did. Which was equally fair because he made her scream. He hurt her almost every time he came over. But she never talked about it. I had asked her one time what he did to her behind her door but she evaded my questions. I don't think I want to know the answer anyways.

My heart hammered against my rib cage. The notebook in my hands shook as my body trembled.  I tried to keep from crinkling the pages. I loved my notebook. It was where I could put all my secrets, all my dreams, and all of my fantasies. My notebook was my best friend and only Pagatti was allowed to look in it.

But she never did. She said that she wrote in her diary for herself to dream. She said that Notebook was my diary and that I should keep Notebook to myself unless I had something specific to show her. I found that Pagatti understood me better than I understood myself at most times.

The bathroom door shut but still Pagatti did not holler.  I nibbled my bottom lip until the taste of copper spattered on my tongue. Her screams did not bounce off the walls and echo in my ears. That was when I released my breath and sucked in some much needed oxygen.

I sat Notebook on the bed and then curled up beside him. It wasn't fair for Sander to make me this nervous without even doing anything to me. I could only imagine how Pagatti felt. He made her nervous all the time. She wouldn't even drive by his house. She took the long way around the block just to pull into the driveway from the 'safe' side.

I would often find her staring out the window, watching the rain spatter against the glass or the sun shine its rays onto her face. She didn't speak and it didn't appear as though she were looking at anything in particular. Just watching and waiting, I suppose. I think she wants to run away, but she won't leave me. But I'm only guessing.

I watch her when watches Sander's house. She gets this look in her eye and sometimes she cries silently. But when I try to comfort her she pretends to be okay. And I let her. I don't want Pagatti not to be okay. So I can only be there for her when she wants me to be.

I'm ripped from my daze when Pagatti's scream tears through the house. I want to peek out the door but Pagatti already told me if she yells or cries that I should stay in my room and not come out. She said she would come get me when it was safe.

I don't think it will ever be safe.

She screams again and this time I clutch Notebook to my chest and cry a little. I don't like listening to Pagatti scream. It's scary and depressing. When Pagatti was in high school, before Sander started coming over, she was always happy and she very rarely got sad or angry about anything. She said this change of mood was because she was a dreamer in high school.

"Don't you dream now?" I had asked her.

She had nodded, "Yeah, but I only dream of getting you and me out of here." She didn't say much else.

Pagatti's cries echo in the house, but they are quiet cries. She gets quieter as it gets later. I'm not sure how long I have been resting against the wall, curled in a ball on my bed. But I find myself getting tired, but I want to stay up for Pagatti. I want to comfort her when Sander is done making her scream.

But I can't fight off the sleep.

When I wake up, Pagatti has a duffle bag in her hand. I see my clothes and some dolls sticking out of it. I look at Pagatti and her face is red and puffy. Her eyes are swollen from crying. She is wearing a pair of torn up jeans and a loose tee shirt. Her slacker clothes, that's what she calls them. She takes Notebook from my hands and stuffs him into the bag before zipping it shut. Then she pulls me from the bed and puts my coat on.

"Where are we going?" I ask. She doesn't answer. She pulls up my hood and pulls the strings so that it stays on tight. Then she grabs my blanket and my favorite pillow off my bed. She stuffs all of this and the bag under her left arm. With her right, she picks me up and carries me out of the house. I ask again, "Where are we going?" But she still won't answer.

She sticks me in my car seat, even though it is raining and she hates driving in the rain. She covers me with my blanket and stuffs my pillow in the seat beside me along with the duffle bag. Then she climbs in the driver's seat and begins driving.

Pagatti won't answer my questions and soon I tire of asking them. I fall asleep to the lull of the car. When I wake up, I'm at Sam's. A friend of Pagatti's. When I ask her where my sister is, Sam cries and says she doesn't know. This makes me cry.

I'm worried about my sister. Because nobody knows where she is. And Sam is supposed to take care of me until she gets back. But nobody knows when, or if, she is coming back.