Summer Clothes

I found your summer clothes in my closet yesterday.

I thought of putting them in a box and mailing it over to you but I realized I don't have your address. Where do you live again? I thought back in Maine with your new boyfriend but it's been awhile and my memory isn't what it used to be.

It's been some time since you left and I'm sitting here on the floor of my room wondering how you've been. Did you miss me as much as I missed you? All signs of your presence have long since disappeared from my apartment, save for your favorite light blue cardigan in my hands. I threw away all the pictures you drew of us and the coffee mugs you collected every season. I feel bad about it now, but at the time it helped me cope. I hope you understand.

I'm doing much better now, in case you were wondering. I'm no longer taking any pills to help with the throbbing pain, now replaced by a dull ache; a melancholy hollowness that settles when thoughts of you cross my mind.

I haven't been seeing anyone but I've gotten back into the old routine of life. There's a new diner in town that you'd like. The neon sign is blinding at night but the inside has an atmosphere about it that makes you feel like you're home. They make a killer strawberry cheesecake, your favorite. The people in town really miss seeing you around and it gets a little boring around here seeing the same faces everyday. There's a lot of talk, but nothing ever happens. You haven't missed too much.

I heard you are enjoying the big city and I can't help be glad for that. This small town was always too suffocating for you.

I pick up the phone and think of you answering on the other line, the smile reaching your voice. My fingers automatically click the buttons they're so familiar with. My breath catches in my throat when I hear your sweet "Hey, it's me." I open my mouth to say all the things that I've kept bottled inside for so long but then you say, "I can't get to the phone right now but leave a--" I hang up and swallow down the words on my tongue. It's best this way.

I hope you found what you were looking for. I wish we could catch up but I figure it's best to leave old ghosts in the closet, next to your summer clothes.