dear readers,
this is a new book i have started called 'long lost love of a brother'. i would just like to say, its going to be slow updates as i dont have much time lately, but i really hope you like my book and will take the time to read it.
there will be some upsetting scenes and quite a lot of violence and some grousome parts throughout. if readers dont like the fact of self harm or anything that will upset you, then i strongly reccomend that this isnt really the type of book fot you and that you dont read it. but otherwise, i hope you enjoy what i have written.
thank you - chescachoo (also joint member from BVBPandaAngel)
*clouds, as soft as pillows, the sky, as blue as the ocean, the air, as fresh as clear water. butterflies fluttering in the warm summer breeze, their beautiful colours from their delicate wings reflecting from the sun as they flutter past me. everthing is a perfect fantacy. the soft grass ever so gently tickling my bare legs.
i smile as i watch my little brother, jamie palying football in the centre of the never - ending feild of green grass and colourful flowers. he topples over, falling onto his tiny bottom. my smile quickly fades into a concerned face, but soon changes back, as i realise i can hear the small laughter of my four-year-old brother. i chuckle to myself. everything is perfect.*
cold sweat drips from my pounding forehead as i rub my eyes, thinking about the same continuous dream i have every night. tears once again filled my eyes and trailed down my cheeks, as they do every morning, after i wake up from the exact same dream. i looked over to my night-stand, as i do every morning.
there he was. sat there, smiling at me. those dimples that always appear as he smiles and shows off his few little teeth. his soft chocolate - brown hair all curled in an odly fashion resting on his small shoulders. his peircing blue eyes looking straight into mine. that same twinkle of happiness he always has with them which always made me smile by just looking at them. another tear escaped my now swollen and drenched eyes as i picked him up and held him to my chest.
i kissed the clear glass frame closing my eyes and holding is ecer so close, never wanting to let go. ever. i squeezed my eyes shut, remembering his cute little face and those adorbale dimples and the way he would hold onto me as if it was the last time he would ever hold me again.
i started to get the feeling which i always got ... again. a whimper came from my throat. i stood up on shaky legs, my body feeling numb, i made my way over to my bathroom. after rummeging through drawers and bathroom cabinets, i finally came across what i was looking for.
the only thing that seemed to help me. the only 'friend' i really have. the only one who can take away the pain and replace it with overwhelming numbness and relief. i held it in my hand, caressing it with my fingers gently. jamies picture still held in my other hand.
i moved the object around in my hands as i sat on the end of the toilet-lid seat. i examined its beautiful shimmer that reflected off of the bathroom light. its sharp edges giving off vibes of need and want. i played with it for a bit, examining it. i then sloely took it to my wrist.
i smiled in relief as i felt numb once again. watching the crimson red blood trickle its way down my newly slashed wrist and onto the clear - tiled bathroom floor.
red splashed against the tiles, makeing a dotted picture. tears escaped my eyes agtain as i recalled more memories from the past.
"love you anna"
his little tiny voice echoed through my head. i took the blade to a new spot on my arm where many other cuts from the past six months lie and dragged the cold metal across once again. every time feeling a buzz of relief escape my body.
*laughter, giggles, screaming of happiness, smiling ... everything perfect. the way it should be. both our laughter softly echoeing through huge feild surrounding us. the soft beat of birds wings were heard as they fly away in distress as they hear the screaming and laughter.
his little legs carry him as he runs through the wild grass and never ending colours of different flowers. i trail behind him, pretending to chase after him, us both loving every moment together as brother and sister.*
i could no longer feel. the only thing i coul only just about feel was the warm tear that slowly made its way down my cheek. my arms were nolw completely numb, scars and deep wounds covering every sign of flesh. blood slowly trickling down and onto the floor, small puddles surrounding me.
