Thought #1 [Eng] I get Married.

I Got Married.

I Got Married
I  got married to the exaggerated idea of ​​a childish love.
Of an innocent love.
Of a natural, simple, pure love.
I married your idea, with your strokes and your adjectives.
It was not the right action, it was a silly, meaningless, youthful, naive and above all absurd love.
In my days of youth there was no sign of that kind of feeling, however, the experimentation of it occurred in moments of haphazardness.
I never thought to deign to possess him, but since he arrived there is no sign of his retirement.
I did not intend to get married, and I got married for you.

Another day passed, are you still here? I hope so, otherwise the road will be impossible.
Every day I can feel your fading like someone real, stay real, please.

My young love is still here, however every time you disappear more and the idea of ​​you remains present, but without its outline, without your strokes, without you.
My commitment to this love is valid, even if it is described as something surreal and ridiculous.
My love is married, its marriage is not temporary and divorce is not an option. Their marriage is clinging and jealous and more than anything a grief of the soul.

That soul in pain before your appearance was in an unfavorable state, blue and on the verge of glaciation. When it touched the idea of ​​you she only became tender, she became enlightened, she took color once more, she even enlarged, and she had it justified, because at that moment she was already engaged.

Every day comes the feeling that something is missing, a small emptiness that the more I reconciled the fact of its existence, the more it expands into a black spot that clouds around me. You're there, somewhere, I hope that's the way it is.

The real situation is that you are outside of this black spot, in fact, the black spot is a barrier with dimensions of kilometers; It is not possible to break it or it is not my desire to do so. But you are there, out of this dark infinite, waiting for me with a light of euphoria, you without being aware of the situation.

You are a serendipity and at the same time a catastrophe. In conclusion your arrival gave birth to a disorder of my ideas, my ideals, my desires. It may or may not be the right thing to do, but it has already happened, and the concepts of remembering and forgetting are mixed up when I think of your memory.
You are a ghost feeling always clinging to my conscience. Sensitive substance of love and support.

Absurd, disturbing and terrifying.
Beautiful, unique and comforting.
They are the main adjectives that come to my head when I contemplate you.
Will I regret keeping you?
Or is it that I already forgot you without even taking the first step?
Both are horrendous, and none of them was my decision.

I got married with that decision, which already taken or not, is part of the conflict clinging to my back.

-Porcelain. 050118