We're not together (but babe, I won't forget ya)

After

Cheryl sat on her bed, feeling numb. Her mother had interrogated her endlessly on her whereabouts and Cheryl couldn't answer, couldn't talk. She was lost in memories of tonight and Toni. What she felt conflicted with what she was taught and it made her mind whirl and heart ache. Unbidden thoughts of Heather came to her and a warm tear rolled down her cheek. How could she have thought for a second she could be with a girl without consequences? She almost offered her number to Toni at the concert... her mother would have a field day once she found out. She always found out.

Suddenly Cheryl became breathless with the thought that her mother knew what happened at the concert. She had a pounding headache and her comforter was wet with tears. It only got worse as she cried more because she knew her mother would tell her she was being weak if she saw her in this state.

She forced herself to lock all the memories away, like she always did. They were pushed back almost as far in her mind as her experiences with conversion therapy. Her mother had forced her to go for two months after the... Heather situation. She sat there for what seemed like hours, staring at her wall and trying to forget.

It almost worked, until that stupid, irresistible serpent had to show up at Riverdale High. She should've known Toni would be there, she had gone to that dump of a school after all. She found it easy to belittle the gang when she avoided Toni's gaze but when Toni stepped forward, her heart started beating way faster than was normal. Of course, she didn't slip up in front of her peers but she couldn't say her eyes didn't linger on the pink-haired girl's lips for a moment or three while she talked. The comeback barely registered in her brain but she gathered her wits and replied anyways.

She was glad in a way for the inevitable fight to be interrupted. Those thoughts she fought so hard to hold down had rocketed to the surface and she found it hard to breathe again.

Cheryl was glad for the empty bathroom as she rested her forearms on the sink, staring in the mirror at the tear rolling down her cheek. It wasn't Toni herself that caused this but rather the mix of longing and fear that came with her appearance. Other parents might ask how their child's day was when they got home, but not hers. Her mother reiterated her mantra of "Gays go to hell" every day when Cheryl came home. And part of it had become truth through repetition.

The door to the bathroom swung open and she expected Toni but was met with Veronica's furious eyes. She stepped away from the sink and turned her eyes cautiously to the newcomer. Cheryl didn't know whether to be disappointed or relieved. Veronica started in on a speech about equality and respect but paused after a few words when she noticed that Cheryl was crying.

"Why are you crying? Is this about Jason?" The way Veronica said his name with an unsure whisper almost made Cheryl laugh.

"No, it's..." Cheryl couldn't finish, she simply shook her head and turned away.

Cheryl was again surprised when she felt Veronica's hand on her shoulder. The girl stepped around her so they were eye to eye again.

"Is it Toni?" She whispered. Cheryl lurched backwards, her back meeting the sink and her hands shaking. Her eyes stared a hole into the floor. She knew she was confirming Veronica's question just by her reaction, but it was impossible to speak aloud.

"It's okay, Cheryl. I saw the way you looked at her. And... the way she looked at you." At this, Cheryl felt a stupid glimmer of hope and warmth that she squashed down quickly. Veronica slowly approached her but stopped when she noticed Cheryl cowering away from her.

"I don't understand. You're not weak, Cheryl. What happened to make you like this?" There was a desperation to Veronica's voice, almost like she wanted the cruel and unforgiving version of Cheryl to reappear.