Doll

By kun 

Sometime I think we all wish we could end it

Because sure do a lot

Sometime I cry for I reason beside the fact that. I hate myself alot

I have a lot of regrets and definitely one is you

You have mean so much to me but I don't that went both way

And that hurt

I am an annoying bitch who wants to feel loved

I am all emotional because I don't know what I am doing or even who I am

I just want to give you a little Head up on the plan

I cry I cry I cry lot

But that's fine

I don't want to feel I want to erase it all away

I have so many good days but they all seem to end in less that satisfaction

I want to end I want to end I want to end

I want everyone to know

I don't if I can even keep it in anymore

I want someone who loves me

Not that my friends aren't enough

But that isn't what I am looking for

And I thought ya were the one

But I thought wrong

I hella hella thought wrong

I meant nothing and

In result to that I felt like binging

Because I cared about you a lot

It was good I was happy

But instead you came back and you were dating someone

So I was like okey

I'll pretend like every bone in my body isn't breaking and I'll put in a fake ducking smile and pretend like it didn't mean anything

Even tho at least to me it did

It fucking fucking did

I loved you I love you

I loved you

But I guess you didn't love me at least in thr same way

And honestly you could have just said hey I don't want to swing that way

And yes that would have hurt butter nothing like this

The eternal thought in the back of my head saying welp I guess you aren't enough

You are worthless you are pathetic

You get no one to love

No your not enough

Maybe I am just over reaching becaus I am young and I am dumb

But I still have emotions

And emotions are scary

And they hurt and they control everything you do

Not that you care but my grades lowered, my attention lowered, my smiles lessened

But I am glad you had fun with that boy toy

Who we all know wasn't even the one

I don't hate you I don't in any part of me doesn't

But do I still love you , but won't continue to hold on and try to change myself

Just so you will think I am the one no

Because you know what

Being with you I spent so much time worrying

About this and that

Not even when we were dating

Just when we were friends

I wanted to be perfect for you

I wasn't

You yelled at me in dicks because i was childish and then we went back to your house and I pretended like I didn't cry or wasn't hurt

And we talked and it was all good

I had fun

But that pain didn't leave

It comes to me

In the middle of the night

Durning the day

And it ruins a lot

It hurts a lot

And it kinda not fair

Because you used my emotions as a toy

You bragged to the whole table about my relationship and this and that

But you never said that was you huh

Unless when it was to your ex and you said that I molested you huh

Huh

Huh

I don't want to cause drama

But stop using me as your doll

Because I am trying my best to live myself for the worthless human I am

I don't want anymore bad vibes or sadness than you have already caused

Stop making me all embarrassed stop

You know what your doing

You have caught me in your trap

And I am stuck

I can't leave

I think about you all the time

And I want it to stop

And whether or not that your fault is not what this is about

I probably did stuff to that hurt you

And I am sorry

You were an amazing friend

But at the same time you weren't

I could have said so many things, I could have fought back so many times

But I didn't

Ya want t know why

Because you were my fucking bff

And I fucked that up

I did.

Funny enough

It's my fault you were sucking on my finger in my bed

When you knew I had a crush on you

And then I bite your ear

And that's where it all began

The biggest mistake of my life

You said you liked that

And you did

And that made me happy

Don't sit here and pretend like you liked me

You only wanted me for my kiss

And ik

That why I cried

Do u remember when I cried

What time you may ask

The one time when we were kissing I started crying

I tried not to make it obvious

But that was the moment I knew

I was a toy

A useless doll

And everything is my fucking fault