Diary Of Nathan Park

Suicide

Everyone (and I mean everyone) goes through a time in their life... where nothing really matters, they feel trapped. Their emotions caged, and their leash shortened by someone or something holding them back. But think... just think for a moment where you're headed? Why did they shorten the leash? Why did they put you in a cage? The person or thing that's holding you back has been through this before, they see the path you're walking because they've walked that path too. They're trying to save you from making a very horrible decision. What if that leash was shortened so you don't run into that car that just passed by? Or maybe they put you in a cage because... well I can't think of anything tbh, but still, you get the jist. Suicide is another path that everyone has been through. Feeling like your existence isn't worth anything. Or that what you're feeling won't end ever. I've recently been thinking. What's the downside of suicide? Like I'm talking from an objective standpoint. 1 is that well... you're dead. You'll never experience another thing ever again, but maybe that's a good thing? Just think... of all those moments where you felt disgusted in yourself. When you felt like throwing up because of the guilt. When you broke up with the love of your life... or when you couldn't clutch the 1v5 for the team... all those heart Cushing moments... no more of those. No more pressure to get a job, or go to college, no more bills, no more homework, no more heartbreaks. And depends on what you believe in no heaven. Or no reincarnation. That's bad... that's definitely a con. Sorry I'm rambling at this point.
Listen okay? No matter what you're going through, no matter who you hurt or who hurt you, things will get better... I'm not a trained professional, nor do I do this on a daily basis. I also cannot promise things will get better... because they may not... but like I tell myself, it's better to keep a positive outlook than a negative one.
Who am I kidding? I'm spouting bullshit, I don't believe any of that at the moment. Nothing can help me, nobody understands me, but yet here I am... still chained up in my cage, still sitting with my leash on. When I am the only person holding me back. I have the key to the gate. I have the ability to remove that collar... most people are holding themselves back, thinking of the outcomes that follow their actions, others... well they're not as fortunate to have the key. But if they try, try to Change their situation. Try to change their outlook on life things might go better for them. I read a passage once. The day after I tried to commit suicide after my girlfriend of three years took her own life, Depression is like a dark room, there's no windows and no doors. But In the corner of the room there's a dimly lit candle. The closer you get the bigger the flame gets but darkness is always behind you. That's why if you open yourself up, to anyone at all and talk to them about how you feel about anything. Tell someone how you feel and it'll bring a whole lot of weight off your shoulder. Then after that look back. The darkness isn't there, there's a candle and a friend behind you till your flame goes out.
So to end all this nonsensical ramblings of a depressed and emotionally unstable 19 year old, I challenge you, yeah you. The one who clicked this and expected some short tangent about how you should kill yourself. Nope. Go ahead, but before you do try this. Take off the leash, unlock that cage. And open yourself up to someone, if you're not lucky enough to have those luxurious then bite off that stupid leash, and slam your body against that cage and break that open, you just have to want your situation to change. With that I bid you farewell.
Your sprit guide -Nathan