Unhappily Married

Ch.04 Heart in Check

Six months earlier.....

'Excuse me?'
'Hey! Don't pounce on me now. I'm just asking your opinion on him. You know-'
'No! Not that part. What did you say was the guy's name?'
'Oh that! His name is Udit. He's one of the groom's cousins'

I was grappling to find words. 'But what about Samar?', I asked.
'Oh Samar!', she stretched out the syllables. 'Ya he is a family friend's son.'

'But I thought that aunt had talked to Samar's family about marriage. The woman she was talking to, pointed to Samar while talking about the marriage thing.'

'Nina! That doesn't mean that it was Samar's family. Maybe she was just pointing in the general direction and you misunderstood it. Though, tell me the truth. Do you like Samar or something? You wish to marry him?'

She wriggled her eyebrows at me. I just couldn't control the silly grin on my face and blushed. 'No, of course not!', I denied.

Maithu gave me a surprised look and said, 'Oh my god! You're blushing. You actually do like him.' She gave me a long look and suddenly turned serious, 'Ninu, you might like him but, it would be almost impossible for us to take a marriage proposal to his family. He comes from old money, they are a very wealthy and prestigious family and they won't give a second thought to girls like us.'

I immediately said, 'Maithu! First of all, of course not. His family or wealth won't make him a good life partner. I have too much of self - esteem to make my family grovel for a marriage proposal for me. I don't even like the institute of marriage. And as for not giving us a second glance, if they don't consider us 'worthy', it's their loss. We are fab.' I strutted a pose and blew her a kiss. She finally laughed and moved to join the throngs of people waiting to pamper her.

While parting she said in a gentle tone, 'Ninu, I wish our fate was different. But knowing how important respect is to our family, we have to uphold it, it is the only treasure we have. Maybe, in this life we are only destined to let our parents, our wealth and our social standing decide our life partner.' On hearing her words, sadness washed over me and the smile on my face dimmed.

I retreated to my room, shut the door behind me and leaned against it. My heart was racing and a flurry of emotions came over me. Meetali's words were reverberating in my ears.
I couldn't believe I actually considered getting married to someone so out of my reach.

How foolish was I to think I deserved any kind of happiness! If I really liked this guy, I would stay away from him, before I destroy his life. All I have ever done is ruin other people's fun. I suck the joy out of any place I'm in. How naive and absolutely fucking stupid of me to hope at all!

I had lost control of my thoughts and they were heading in unchartered territory. I tries to shake off the dark thoughts. It's like my mind gets a sick pleasure by tormenting me. I quickly jumped onto the bed and stuffed my head under the pillow and desperately try to block out my thoughts.

But in the end, I gave in to them and another night was spent in a dark and helpless void.

Next morning, I woke up with a heavy head. I blanched looking at myself in the bathroom mirror. I had bags underneath my eyes and my eyes were stinging. With a sigh, I started to get ready.

As soon as I walked down to the hotel lobby, I saw blindingly bright jewels, shiny clothes and people buzzing around like bees. Both the bride's and groom's side of the family were trying to one-up each other on whose family was the best. I don't think I have ever seen so many people smiling and laughing so fakely on a happy occasion.

I moved to join my side of the family. My mom had already left to help my Mami with the arrangements. My aunt was gossiping in a loud voice with her sisters.

'Maithu told me, Nina thought we were going to fix her marriage with the groom's friend Samar.'

'Samar! Leela said his family is really well-off. Some people have high ambitions, don't they?'

All the other aunties laughed as if they had heard the funniest joke ever. Suddenly, one of them noticed me and beckoned me over. I dragged my feet and against my better judgement went and sat with them.

'Aww does our Ninu kutty want to marry now? And look at her aiming so high!'

'I really don't-'

'But you need a lot more to snare a boy from such a high place.'

'Ask your father if he can marry you to a prince. Can he really fund the lavish dreams you've built in your mind?'

I felt hot flushes of fury and embarrassment. They said it in a jovial manner in between bouts of laughter, as if that was supposed to not make me feel offended.

I excused myself mumbling something about having forgotten my phone and rushed into the crowd of people.

Someone tugged on my hand from behind. I whirled around to see my Attai standing there.

'Attai I really don't want to continue the conversation.'

'So now you are being rude to me? You're going to make my brother broke, what with all your high and mighty demands! I have tried so hard to get you a good life and you are living in your unrealistic dreams.', said my Attai.

Suddenly I realised that I really did not have the energy to take their cap with a smile on my face.

'Attai, I really did not ask you to find a groom for me. Don't do unsolicited favours for us and then keep humiliating us. My mother doesn't say a word, doesn't mean we are okay with your snide remarks'

I could feel the tears being formed in my eyes. My throat was choked up and my vision turned blurry. Careful not to make any noise I walked fast to the cars waiting outside for the marriage party sat in one of them, not caring who would sit alongside me.

Every word of what they said was incredibly disrespectful, cheap and vindictive. Surprisingly that was not what bothered me.

What really hurt was, every word of what they said was the painful truth.
I was so tired of family politics. Just to show their superiority, elders keep passing taunting and interfering in people's personal matters. My father tried his best to earn for his family and yet his own sisters slighted him.

I was quite lost in my thoughts, when an elderly man slid inside the car. I didn't know him so I figured maybe, he was from the groom's side. He turned his head and frowned at me and at the same time, the driver started the car.

Oho! This was going to be a long journey.

************************************
Dear readers,
Sometimes in life, having been beaten down too many times, we start to believe the negative voices in our head. Remember though, you're important and worthy, no matter the circumstances or people's words.

Please do vote and comment on the story. It would really mean the world to me. Every vote and comment encourages me immensely.
Love,
Vi