What's Wrong?

I'm a Mess

            Dear Everyone Who Asked What's Wrong,

        Lately, I've felt like my entire world is crashing down right in front of my eyes. Everything hurts. I don't want to feel this way. Only one person was able to make me smile today. And that's only because they mean more to me than anyone else. I've stopped eating. I only pick at dinner because I'm made to. I've lost everything good except for two people that I love very much. I'm a mess, guys. Nothing seems to be going my way, ever.It feels like the walls are caving in on me, and I'm smothering in my own life. I can't seem to get out of this depressive slump no matter how hard I try. And this isn't a new feeling. I've felt this way for a few weeks. I'm a mess, and I'm so bothersome. I'm afraid to talk to one of my friends about it, because I love them so damn much and don't want them to worry. And no, this isn't me saying goodbye to you. It's me explaining how I feel. And no amount of help can fix me. I love the both of my friends who I think will read this. I'm slowly breaking apart piece by piece. And I may sound pathetic, but this is how I feel. I'm in so much pain. Physically(because of myself) and emotionally.  I feel like I'm losing everyone I love. They either get tired of me, or I push them away. I'm nowhere near okay. I don't even remember what it's like to feel happy. I have bad thoughts about ending my life. But I can't do it. Because there are two very important people that I would be losing. And they could very well be reading this. Let's call them J and D shall we? So, J, you made me smile today, for the first time in weeks. I felt like everything may be okay, but things turned back to where they were before shortly after. I love you so much. I may have fucked a lot of things up, but I'm always here if you need me. You're still very much the most important person in my life and I love you. D, you know this is coming, but you don't really understand what this is. I'm very sorry for worrying you so much. I'm a horrible best friend. I'm just very depressed, and I never meant to hurt you. You're my best friend. And I care about you very much. And to the both of you, I'm so sorry. I could never leave either of you. So, you deserve to know what's been going on. I stopped eating a few weeks ago. So, in total, I have lost 9lbs. I have to eat now because my family forces me to. I basically just pick at it. But, if it helps, i ate a whole tub of mac and cheese yesterday. I was stress eating. I've lost my reason for even getting up in the morning. So, I just lay in my bed, in my jacket, and cry. I usually don't wake up until 2pm, and even then i just lay and cry. I just really wanted you guys to know... And i didn't know how else to let you know. But no matter what, you are not gonna lose me. I won't leave no matter how depressed I am. I'm so, so sorry. Please forgive me....I love you guys❤