Feelings

Alone

I'm sorry to everyone who thinks this is a book that you can read for entertainment and pleasure... but this will be the reasons I have to live now and to die some day in the future.

I met a girl... no a woman named Michelle she was beautiful... she didn't smile much and kept her peace with everyone she knew. She was tough with captivating coffee stained eyes. I loved her... I thought the time we spent together would've made her soft and loving and warm... so I got a dog for her and she for me... I just wanted us to be happy... she told me it was out of her norm to see me everyday and started to long for space... I tried to capture her attention with dates and bad jokes but it was all a hoax. She began speaking to her friend again and I thought she was seeing him while experimenting with me... I was angry. Confronted her and she was as honest as she choose to be. Yes she's the keeper of her own secrets which is why we were never meant to be. I gave her space as best as I could while trying to still capture her coffee stained eyes... but I also held on to anger that grew into a beast that choose to lash out and abandon the things I love most... time and space went by and I was still angry that she choose not to stick by my side. Liar I called. But I wanted nothing more but for her to want me and hold me when I cried. Cheater I repeated... when I knew she had been faithful in a non-relationship the entire time... emotional incapable I screamed... when I needed nothing more from her but to love me.. those who stay I can love and cherish forever but those who can be chased away by my brutal existence should stay gone. I bled for loving you. My depression crept back in when I focused all my energy on you... that angry beast... told me I wasn't worthy of love or meant to be held... I was meant to be rotten and cold and mostly alone... she just proved the beast correct.