without any knowledge of what this feels like,
it is hard to imagine what myself and those like me are going through.
but there is one thing it compares to.
drowning.
i constantly feel like i am drowning.
the water is slowly filling my mouth. and my lungs.
and my throat.
until the air i need is no longer there.
and there is nothing i can do.
i lose my ability to breathe.
i struggle.
but there is nothing i can do.
some days,
i feel as if i can get my head above the water.
if only for a few seconds.
i witness hope briefly.
but slowly,
i sink back under.
and i am consumed again.
by the nothingness.
by the anguish.
by the inability to fight.
i feel as if there are cinderblocks tied to each of my ankles.
holding me under.
i thrash and flail.
but it all means nothing.
i am constantly pulled further under.
further away from the light.
everything is dark.
i am lost.
i cannot see.
i cannot hear.
i try my hardest to find my way out.
but i cannot.
i am still drowning.
i am always drowning.
