so what can i do to survive?
how can i deal with this?
will anything help?
i do not know.
but i do know one thing.
the people in my life have saved me.
so do the things that might help.
i try to turn to others.
i try to turn to everyone around me.
i try to talk.
but sometimes i don't have the energy or willpower to do even that.
when you have the problems i do,
it is often difficult to reach out.
or to say you are going through something.
even though i am open about my issues.
even though i wear my mental illness as a badge of courage.
even though i am honest about my suicide attempt.
it is still often difficult to reach out.
because people may think i just want attention.
or that i need a savior.
so i am scared to say anything.
i am frightened by the idea of my struggles pushing people away from me.
but sometimes,
i just want to talk.
so please help me.
whether we talk all the time or have never talked,
talk to me.
about anything.
simple things: movies, music.
my problems.
your problems.
please just talk to me.
i know im a burden sometimes.
i know it is probably hard to deal with someone so filled with sadness all the time.
but if you are there for me i will always be here for you.
the people around me are the thing that give me hope.
many of you are the reason i am still alive.
thank you.
thank you.
thank you.
many of you matter more to me than you could ever imagine.
and one day,
i want to work up the courage to thank you personally for saving me.
and giving me hope.
and being my light in this perpetual darkness.
i love you.
