THE FORGOTTEN HOPE

31.

02-04-2018

***

Hey little fighter, soon it will be brighter

***
P.O.V Maddie
'hey ladies' Dylan greeted Rose, Hayley, Emma and me when we sat on our usual table.

Hayley and Emma are now really our friends and sit with us regularly.

'hey' I sat next to Jesse this time. No reason.

'why are you sitting here?' he raised an eyebrow

'no reason' I smiled and took my lunch out

'okay' he scoffed. I watched how Hayley sat next to Dylan, Emma next to her and Rose next to me.

'what are you doing?' Rose whispered to me

'nothing' he said because I really didn't know why they made this big of a deal out of it.

'really because you usually sit next to Dylan' she mumbled again

'wait? Do you want to sit next to Jesse because we can switch you know?'

'no it's not that, it's just-'

'Maddie are you mad at me or something?' Dylan then said

'what?! No!' I said hard

'really because-'

'I sat next to Jesse?' I finish his sentence

'yes and you didn't say a word to me this morning' he said

'oh yeah sorry about that, I overslept and was kind of in a hurry. But I sat next to Jesse because he's a friend of mine' I clarified

'you sure?' rose asked again

'yes! Why is everyone making such a big deal out of this? I just sat next to Jesse instead of Dylan' I said loudly

'well I'm sorry but you usually sit next to Dylan' Rose defended herself

'I already told you, if you want to sit next to Jesse I can move' I said again

'I don't want you to fucking move, I just want to know why you sat there' she now was talking loud

'I sat next to Jesse because he's a friend of mine' I now shouted a little

'I don't believe that' Rose scoffed

'well I don't care' I shook my head

'really? You don't care' she narrowed her eyes

'yes I don't care! actually I'm leaving because I don't get it why everybody is making such a big deal out of this.' I said as I stood up and walked away

When I was almost at the doors that led me to the hallway I felt a hand on my shoulder

'you okay' I turned to see Dylan

'yes fine, just go back to them I need time alone' I said and I kept walking.

That was a lie. I didn't want to be alone, I just didn't want him around me. It has been weird since Saturday when we almost kissed.

I didn't know what to say to him and he seemed really uncomfortable so I chose to not be around him. But of course that got me into a fight with my best friend because nothing in my life is "just" a thing.

I sat on the ground behind the school. It is the place that no one comes and that Rose and I use as our alone spot. Well I guess it's only me now.

'gosh' I scoffed and I aggressively took a bite from my sandwich

It just went into the right direction with Dylan and me and now I fucked it us because I moved my head to close. And that led to me having a fight with Rose.

'shit' I looked around and hit the ground with my fist, which hurt but I just really wanted to hit something.

'hey' someone opened the emergency door that I was sitting next to

Dylan.

'Dylan I really want to be alone right now' I lied again

'no you don't' gosh why does he know me this well?

I let out a deep sigh when he sat next to me.

'what sup?' he asked looking at the messy bushes in front of us

'nothing'

'tell me please?' he now did look at me

'it's just' I looked down 'just when everything in my life is good, finally. I fuck it up'

'what did you fuck up?' he kept asking

'you and me' I looked up at the parking lot that was in the opposite direction of Dylan. Yes I was avoiding eye contact.

'why? You didn't fuck it up' his voice sounded confused

'Saturday' I mumbled

'wait? That almost-kiss moment?' I nodded and he let out a little laugh

'you feel awkward' again I nodded

'Maddie, you know how many almost-kiss moments we had' he scoffed

'I know but I just feel awkward' I looked at him

'you shouldn't' he shrugged

'that's easy for you to say' I now scoffed

'yes it is but you really shouldn't because you didn't fuck it up. Saturday we where just teasing each other and with us a almost-kiss moment fits in there'

'okay' I mumbled and looked down

'is that why you didn't sit next to me?'

'yes' I chuckled at my own stupidity

'why the chuckle?'

'I felt awkward which was stupid and unnecessary and now I'm in a fucking fight with my best friend' I said as my mood swings. It went from normal to emotional.

~gosh Maddie you are such an emotional mess~

'this is your first fight isn't it?' Dylan asked again

'yup' I said but no sounds left my mouth so I just nodded.

'oh Maddie' he then pulled me closer to him and I let out a hiccup

'why does this have to happen to me? Why can't everything in my life go right?' I mumbled

'I don't know Mads, I just know that this won't effect your friendship. It's to strong for that' he petted my back as I let out another hiccup

'I'm so stupid' I sight after calming down a little. 'first I get into a mini fight with you, and now with Rose. In like a week' I said putting my hands up

'you are stupid' he shrugged and I looked at him with a sarcastic look in my eye

'"no Maddie you're not"' 

'let me finish' he pricked my side a little 'I was going to say that you also where beautiful and a really good friend so this won't effect your friendship. You just need to make it up to her'

I smiled 'but she needs to come to me, she made a big deal out of it' I then looked away

'girls' he then sighed 'I still don't get them'