High school moments and confessions.

Captian of the football team

I've been playing football for 6 years. There was only one girl on the team and that was me. I always gave it my hardest and was there for every practice. After "hell week" was done, the coaches announced the team captains. The coaches tells the whole team why this person is picked and then they say the name of the player. "This young lady has been early for every single practice. Gives her hardest and never stops working hard. The first captain is Petula." I stood there shocked.

As the season began, I admit that the first couple of week I felt confident in me. But as my mental health kind of went to shit. Like I guess I kept all the stress inside of me. I know right. Why didn't I take it out at practice? At times I felt like why am I doing this. I felt confused. NO ONE knew I was going through this. Mostly every night I felt like a piece of shit and it was for no trying hard.
The season for us didn't go as good. Every week we played with a new team. Why cause of grades. It honestly sucked.

The one thing that really got me pissed off was our own teammates were talking shit about us, our own team. They post on Facebook thinking oh coach won't see it, nope they found out. This made me really mad where I wanted to fight them. No lie. I asked my mom if I would get in trouble if I fought them outside of school or school grounds. That how much it got me heated. Yeah I know me as a girl fighting a guy. It probably looked like we broke up or something. Also we had this one cocky player who thought he was good as his brother and thought he was right. I got to admit he was a little bit but, never as good as his brother. He had the worst attitude on the team.

After every game I felt mad at myself because I felt like I didn't give it my all. Sometimes I feel like I was living in my brothers shadows. He was a good player but his weight was a problem for him. He still kicked ass on the Field. My mom try to make every game, if she didn't and I didn't get put in a lot I felt like she was ashamed of me. Sometimes i feel like I wasted her time and money for going out there and to support me sitting on the sideline.

My brother had better games than me. Not like the wins or losses but like of how much he played. He came out with a lot of sweat after games and me I came out with a little. Living in that shadow always haunted me in the classroom and the football field. I know my coach never said why are you not like your brother but, at times in my mind I wonder if he thought of it.

The season ended in no wins. Every time a community member posted the score on Facebook. The comment started to flood in. I read every one. "Fire the coach" "this never happen when I was there" " what a shame" "what a blow out" "wow WR football went to shit" Once I read these I wanted to post something to them. Like oh where's your son on the field. It's not the coaches fault it's the player, if we had good grades we would play with a full team. I thought wow a true fan of WR would never say this. Sometime it made me cry, yet another reason to mess up my mental health.