I really get tired of it.
I'm always the person to blame for wrong.
Is there something wrong with me?
am I really so different that you have to hate me,and be disgusted? I've always wondered how I can become better. how I can make my parents proud of me.
I'm not pretty.
I'm not smart.
I'm not neat.
and I'm not like you.
my whole life people picked on me. why? we'll being different is not easy.I like Japanese music,i speak Japanese, and I watch Japanese,I draw anime, and watch anime.oh yeah I guess I'm so different.it's always been about being like them.I have to talk like them. I have to fight like them.I have to draw like them. and eat what they eat. or wear what they wear.it might not seem like much bullying but,the whole story hurts me. all I've ever had was my imaginary friends. ichigo,momo,and zero.they don't want me to have them but, if I don't have them, I feel lonely.they cared about how I felt. they told me when not to do wrong. or at least tried. I never told anyone. because no one understood me. I'm crazy. I know that. but why make me feel even more like that,talking about how bad it is. I wanted to disapeer, but you'd think people tell me not to.well my whole life they told me that I was crazy enough to do it.i tried lots of times, but it wasn't my family or anybody that told me not to but my imaginary friends. my parents never knew about my problems, and I was planning on keeping it that way,but a girl decided to go tell the teacher that I had demons in my head. I went to hallifax for four days. when I came back I started to talk with my parents more. but they did not understand me. I tried explaining but it was as if they did not want to except me.I cut myself, tried committing suicide,and they ask me to stop and get rid of my imaginary friends. I tried explaining to why I can't,they listened and let me keep them, but they never believed in me.they did not trust me.when I was adopted into there family I was happy, but the things they would say to me hurt a lot. and on top of that added the abusive bullying in school.it still goes on to this day.and I have became closer, but I can't do it anymore. my struggles are to hard. I've kept secrets, and lied to them, I threw away there trust in me.why? just to be popular. I changed my speech,my clothes, my hair,and everything just to become popular .and it destroyed all the trust my family had in me. there are things I am planning on telling my parents soon that I am trying to prepare myself for.I know that when I tell them I would be going to a different home. I am prepared to take the risk of getting kicked out or sent to a foster home.that day I went to church and felt god talking to me, was the day I changed. I except every change that he is giving me. and I except every consequences that is coming my way. it won't be long before I am alone again without a family, but I can Handel it. I don't want to hurt anybody else. I'm anti social, I have depression, multiple personalities, and imaginary friends. my family have done nothing but tried to help me.and I am ready to do something to help them. I don't want to hurt any body.and I know me being here has put a lot of stress on them. I don't want to change into one of my bad personalities while I'm with them. I'm lucky that it only comes on in school. but that day I hurt someone in my family, left a scar in my heart. I've always lied, stole,bought,and obeyed everything someone told me to do. but I will not be taken advantage of anymore. I won't act like those girls in the streets does,or smoke,and do things like sex.I've done enough of that and look where it got me. it took away there trust in me. it took away the good girl look I had. it made the good fear,and the evil take control of me.I don't want people to see me like that no more. so I'll do what's right. and tell the truth. I'll take the road god made for me. no matter how long it will take. I will be ready. and soon it will come. I only have a short time with my family now before everything starts to crumble. but god is preparing me for the worst. I will miss my family and the few friends who actually cared for me.and when the time comes they'll read everything I've left in a locked box. and then will surely understand how much I love them. I'm not going to die, because I can't give into my enemy.instead I'll stay alive and live out my punishment. I'll work as hard as I can untill i decide to tell my parents. I'm starting to cry.lol.but I'll make sure to fix everything befor that time has come.and then when it is here I'll have nothing left to fix. but my life ahead. I'm going to become a Christian after I confess my sins and do what I have to. to become holy,and worthy of god.I'm going to also become a gospel singer. and I'm going to keep my promise that I made with my family. I'll help them whenever. and I'll give them whatever,because there love can never be replaced by something as worthless as mine.so I will fulfill my promise. I only have two months left, and I plan to keep writing in this story till the end. till the day comes where I will be separated from the family of light that has brung joy into my life. just till then I will do all that I can do, and I won't fail.
