XIII

IV

You never truly know how much you "love" something

Until it slips from your fingers

But was it really in your grip?

Were you actually holding onto something?

It's hard to ignore

The irresistible craving

For contact, penetration, verbal phrases stretched to satisfy

Simple things will set you off

While others struggle to turn you down

But the only one who can control that want is you

But how does one do so

After what felt like heaven

Suddenly pushes you off to hell?

How do you ignore

The warmth of hands

The softness of lips

The comfort of arms

The whispers of a new reality.

How do you ignore such lies?

The scent of jealously

Is one that taints your heart

And slowly eats away at it

And you grow used to it

Embrace it

Become it.

The desire for what you once had;

The warmth

Comfort

Embrace

Loyalty

Hope

A new beginning.

It all seems like fragile wishes.

But that's not as you treat them.

You've transformed them into demands

Items. That you use for your own pleasures.

You would recognize it

As being selfish

But not loneliness.

Never, will you accept it as that.

Will I accept it as that.

Because I am not alone.

I am simply hungry

I used to be given so much

But I became greedy.

And now it has been taken away

I am starving now.

I am dying.

The jealously has taken over.

The hunger has eaten away my life.

And now I am decaying.

I do not believe that I was wrong

That I have not sinned.

And I haven't.

I am human.

As human as pedophiles, rapist, sex offenders.

I am just like them.

But I have kindness lurking within

And instead of feasting,

I realize my evil is not worth it

I catch myself.

When I realize that if I lived

I would be frowned upon.

Disgusted by.

And the wounds imbedded

Countlessly upon my body

Will never stop bleeding.

And I do not care.

So long as I get what I want.

But what is it that I want, exactly

What do I wish for

What is it that I ever so badly need

If I do not want a fairy tail

Or an epilogue