I have a secret. Well, it’s not mine. It’s this guys I know. It’s been so hard for me to keep; really hard because he was my boyfriend. He still is…but I don’t consider him really a boyfriend. I’m more of a pretend girlfriend to him. For the terrible secret I’ve had to keep for nine days. I know I know it’s not that long. But trust me once you know the secret it’s hard not to tell. For the secret was I found out my boyfriend was gay.
I slammed my locker shut. All I wanted to do was slide down the side of it and slump over crying. God, the stress of keeping Nathan’s secret made me want to barf. Though instead of doing what I so desirably wanted, I sighed. It was a loud sigh and it filled the empty hallway. No one was at school for it was too early. Why I was here? I had to retake a chem. test of which I was un-too-happy about it. I wanted to avoid it all together. I turned away walking in the opposite direction of my chem. class. Mrs. Bennett would be pissed when I saw her 6th block but I didn’t care.
I stomped into the cafeteria. My ugs clicked on the glossy tiles and the bright lights made my pores stand out as I made my way to a table. I put my backpack down at the table in the far back left corner. It made a loud thud that echoed. The Hispanic cafeteria workers glared at my direction. I was the only kid in there so it must’ve been me to make the thunderous noise. One eyed me. I flashed an innocent smiled then turned the other way so my back was to them. I took out my phone out. It beeped and beeped at the arrival of new texts. I didn’t want to read them. They were all from Nathan.
My rubbed the side of my face. Ugh. Thinking about how I liked him and was serious with him. Relationship wise I mean. We didn’t have sex. But I wanted to. I really thought he was the one. My head hurt and wanted to so much to burst into tears. Tears wouldn’t make me feel better. I still liked Nathan and I promised I’d keep his secret. But dammit it was eating at me! I couldn’t even tell Haley, my best friend. I told her everything and now I can’t.
A loud clank startled me. “Hey babe.” As soon as I heard his sweet voice my heart ached. I turned around and meet face to face with him. I’d known him for five years. I would’ve even thought he preferred pickles than donuts. If you understand what that means. He frowned. “Kim?” I snapped out of thinking of him and his boyfriend. “What?” He turned to me so our knees touched. Goosebumps shook my body. How could I feel this way about him when I knew about his attraction to the same sex?
I know this weird but I honestly wanted to be a guy at that moment. Maybe then he’d love me. “You okay?” That was the stupidest question I’ve ever been asked. Of course I wasn’t. I found out my boyfriend was gay and every time we making out he was probably fantasizes about Fabio. It was hard to get used to. “Duh no.” He frowned again and I wished I hadn’t told him the truth. Why couldn’t I be a guy and not share my feelings? “I’m sorry.” I thought hell yeah you should be sorry for dragging me into this and using me to make it seem that you weren’t homo. But for the first time I didn’t blurt out what I really wanted to blurt. “It’s ok.” He looked up from his downward gaze at his feet up to meet my eyes. He looked like he was about to cry but he held it back. Again as all guys did, hide their true feelings.
Never ever would I have thought Nathan was gay. He hid it so well by talking dirty with the jocks and even ogling the busty girls that walked by. I didn’t even find out till prom. Worst night ever, and I mean it. The way I found out is I walked into the boys bathroom and saw him making out with this drama nerd; a guy of course. But I’ll further tell the story with details later.
Nathan looked deep into my eyes. I remembered why I liked him so much. He sighed. “No. It’s not. I’m asking you to keep this big secret when I betrayed you like I did. But honestly Kimmy I didn’t even know I was till a week before prom. I swear before that you were my world. And you still are.” That sentence made me want to hug him and kiss him and be how we used to be. Even though, I knew I wasn’t his world.
