Monday morning, I felt like I had a huge hangover even when I hated alcohol. I lunged myself out of bed and got ready. I looked like shit in the fogged mirror after I took my fifteen minute shower. I had terrible bags under my eyes, one for each day I haven’t got good sleep. Nine days, nine bags under my brown eyes. I sighed finished getting ready.
I rushed down the stairs and grabbed my keys. “Kimberly, you’re car is broken. Mike’s going to drive you.” My mom said nonchalantly. “Crap.” I walked out with all my stuff to Mikey waiting in his car. I got into the passenger’s side and put my shoulder bag in the back. I frowned; crossing my arms cross my chest. “I’m not happy about this anymore then you.” Mikey pulled out the driveway and we made our way to school. Ugh.
…
In the parking lot, I tried my best to get far away from Mikey as possible. I hated the fact that people always commented on how we look sooo much alike. It pissed me off. So fyi don’t comment on it. I sped walked up to the school. As soon as I walked in, people stared and whispered to each other. Shit, did Justin tell people? I mentally crossed my fingers; hoping, wishing he hadn’t. I scurried off to my locker with their gazes watching my ever step. I fumbled with my combo from the nervous of their watching. I hated being inspected. I hit my locker. “FUCK YOU PIECE OF SHIT!” People that walked by look oddly at me then went back to whispering. I gave up on my combo and retreated to the bathroom. I threw my bag on the ground and fled to one of the empty stalls. I started silently crying.
Then, the sound of heels on the tiles made the bathroom silent. I got up and flushed to give the illusion that I actually had gone to the bathroom and that I didn’t cry. When I walked out I wanted to so badly back up into it again and slam it shut. Zoey Grayson stood in front of the mirror applying another layer of gloss. Her died caramel hair fell down to her waist completely straight that covered her trashy mascara around her blue eyes. Her lips looked plastic and fake. She turned to me and pressed lips together. “Kimberly.” She said my name like it was a disease and if she said she’d fall sick. Fine, ok with me. I wouldn’t mind her getting mono. “Zoey.” I never liked her.
Ever since seventh grade she hated me because she had a major crush on Nathan; the irony of it. She still did. Boy was she in for a surprise. She turned back to the mirror. With her having a crush on him; she was mad at me for supposedly “stealing” him. Bitch. “So how you and Nathan doing?” Typical of her; only for her to ask if there was a small for her. Uh, no. “Fine.” She grimaced. “Doesn’t look like it. You got bags under your eyes. Stressing over the relationship? Problems? I’m here to listen.” That pissed me off. “Bitch, just stop trying to get Nathan. He won’t go for you.” She looked at me. “I’m not trying. I’m winning. Soon I’ll have him back. My plan will come into action soon enough.”
She adjusted her boobs to the point where they almost spilled out of her two-sizes-too small tank. “JUST STOP TRYING! HE’S NOT EVEN INTO GIRLS!” She was dumbfounded by what I just said. “He’s- he’s a faggot! Ewwww that asshole! I can’t believe I ever liked that fag!” I quickly had to think of something to cover it up. “You didn’t let me finish-““YOU DATED THAT FAG!” “I went along with it!” She backed away from me. “Zoe you can’t tell a soul.” “Fuck that! I’m telling Eric!” Fear spread over me. She was going to tell Eric, her brother. I wanted so much to take it back but before I could explain, she fled the bathroom. And I was left in the restroom, again crying.
…
Later, I walked out of the bathroom with red puffy eyes. Without looking, I mashed into Leo. “Kimberly? You ok?” I looked up into Leo’s eyes. Coldness filled my heart; he was perfect for Nathan and now I had ruined their chance of being together. “I’m so sorry.” I pulled away unable to look him straight in the eyes. I walked away looking down. I just ruined Nathan’s life.
…
Afterschool was even worse than the morning. Once everyone was gone, a slam on my locker startled me. “KIM!” I turned around, Eric Thomas stood looming over me with his short brown hair and hazel eyes. He was easily 6 foot and was a giant compared to me. “So. I heard about Nathan being a faggot. So. Doesn’t that mean you’re free?” He leaned on his right arm in front of me. He was so close I was backed up into my locker. “No.” His hazel eyes flashed with anger. “You still chose that faggot over me!” “He’s not a faggot! Zoe didn’t even let me finish! I was gonna say he wasn’t even attracted to girls like her not that he wasn’t into girls!” He smiled wickedly. “Stop lying Kimmy.” “DON’T CALL ME KIMMY ONLY NATHAN DOES!” He leaned down and stared at my lips. “You love that fagg?” “Don’t call him that!” I slapped him. He surprised and gripped my shoulders slamming me into the locker. His grip burned my skin. “Once Nathan’s out of the way…will you love me?” Before I could answer he stomped off with his hands in his pockets.
I quickly got out my cell phone dialing Nathan’s number.
“Nathan?”
“Yeah.”
I started bawling. I felt so bad. I wanted to die. I hurt the one I loved.
“I-I’m so sorry. It just came out. I never meant it. Zoe was in the bathroom acting slutty about she was gonna have you and it pushed me over the edge. It slipped out and she told Eric. He’s going to do something bad Nathan! I’m so sorry.”
“Kimmy. It’s ok. I’m coming to get you. I love you.”
Why’d he say that? Out of habit?
“B-bye.”
I hung up and stared down at my feet. Why did he say that? Was all I thought. Did he really love me? I wondered. No he shouldn't, I didn't deserve his love and care. I didn't deserve him. Leo did. Leo does. I thought. I was just someone that got in their way. My throat closed up choked by tears. Why was I alive?! I ruined Nathan and Leo lives! Their love! Their happiness.
I should be dead. I wanted to be dead. I didn't deserve to be one this planet or any other. "Kimmy!" My head snapped up and saw Nathan sprinting down the halls. He swooped me up holding me close to him. I breathed in his scent. He smelled like leather and grass. My heart ached. I loved his smell. I loved him. More tears fell from my eyes and onto his hoodie. "Kimmy. Babe. It’s ok. Please stop crying." Love was in his voice. How?! Why?!
"I ruined your chance to be with Leo! It’s not ok! You two deserve each other! You two are perfect together! And I fucked it up! I always ruin everything! I don't deserve to be alive! I want to be dead!" He pulled me away from his shoulder. I wanted to cry on his shoulder and have him stroke my hair to calm me. I didn't deserve it. I didn't deserve what I had and what I wanted back; him.
“Can we just go?” He looked down at me and frowned. “Sure.” We walked out of the school together, this time…not holding hands. My hand felt cold and limp, lifeless in fact, hanging in the air by itself.
Nathan drove up to the front of my house and memories of the nights when he and I would steal a kiss right before I disappeared inside made my stomach ached. I wanted that memory to be now. I wanted this to be the end of a great date, then he'd walked me up to my door, still clinging onto my hand, eyes aching for a kiss. I turned to look at him and his eyes were plastered to the ground. He, too, remembered those nights. I got out of the car in a huff, angry at this time of my life. Nathan followed after me.
"You don't have to walk me up to the door ya know." I turned to see him blush. I smiled then frowned remembering that this wasn’t the end of a date. “Out of habit.” He muttered. “Well, bye.” I opened my door and was about to go inside and cry my eyes out when.. “Do I at least get a good-bye hug?” I smiled wide, and tear wanted to fall. So Nathan, so what I fell in love with. “No.” I closed my door. I didn’t deserve his hugs.
