One Big taste

I just realized that I was never strong around you. I would always crumple to the ground because of the words you say. You were so good for me but at the same time you weren't. I was just set to break my own heart even from the very beginning. I knew it. I could've stopped it but I can't because you made me too weak to even resist you. You knew your effect on me and you just made everything worse by using that effect on me. You always say the right words. And even if I knew that it wasn't worth it, you made me believe that somehow, it was. It felt worth it. It felt right. But there was always an underlying thought in my mind that all of this would be just a one big taste. A big taste of the past. A big taste of the happiness that we should've been feeling if you were so strong enough to wait for me. A big taste of bitterness. A very big taste of pain. I have loved you too much and maybe that is why even if you have been gone for too long, I still have not moved on. I have loved you for so many years to the point that it hurts so much knowing that I would just have to re-live the past in order to see you again even just for a short while. I wanted to be with you but you chose her again. You chose to break my heart again. But this is all a big taste and I just hope that the taste of your love and mine that is still lingering in my heart would disappear somehow. It was just a one big taste after all.