Curl Up And Die.
That's what I wanted to do. I wanted to exit this world because without her, it wasn't worth living on. She was my everything, my world. She even ment more to me than my music. Music is who I am... She ment more than my own mother. Now, she was gone. My world has become hell. Without her, I have no one. Yes, I had a sister, mom, friends, things of that sort. But, without Emma, nothing was right.
Here I am, sitting in the John Hopkins hospital, waiting...
Waiting for them to tell me that she was dead. I'm an idiot. I let her drive, even in the worst conditions Chicago had ever seen. I was the reason she was in pain. My sister sat next to me, looking dead ahead.
Shit was twisted.
The doctor came out of the operating room, giving me what I had been waiting for.
"There was too much internal bleeding..." the doctor began, but there was no way he could continue. As soon as he said this, I broke down.
A tear roles down my cheek. Wow. I hadn't cried in forever.
"Sorry..." my sister, Jenny, mumbled. I stared at her. I didn't know how to respond to people who apologized for my mistakes.
Pity.
I hate pity. Usually, that's what I would've told her, but that would be useless. Everyone would say "sorry" to me. Even complete strangers.
"She loved you..." Jenny continued.
"Whatever.." I got up and left. I wasn't trying to be crude, but I don't wanna even think about Emma's death.
I got in my car, and drove. Drove till my feet became numb, and my hand was glued to the wheel.
Life as I knew it was done. She was my everything. Tears lingered in my eyes, and took no time to overflow.
Our son.
We had a three year old. Him and I were with my parents (at their house) when I got the call.
This made things worse, you know. Little Jake was a momma's-boy. He loved Emma almost as much as I did. Being a single father, I could handle that. Being the reason my son doesn't have a mother though, I couldn't deal with. He meant so much to me, and now, he's motherless. I hate myself. Dying was my options so many times. But was being there for my son a bigger option?
»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»
I ended up at a hotel. There was no way I was going home. The weather was bad, and I didn't wanna see Jake yet. He probably wouldn't understand yet, but still. He would know that something was wrong, Because his mom read to him every night.
"Excuse me sir... may I help you...?" Said the dude at the front desk. As soon as I look at him, he flinched. "Um...You okay...?" I glared at him.
"No. Can I have a room?" He looked uneasy, but gave me a room key anyhow.
