Dancing with Demons [Sebastian Stan]

Unification

A/N: Trigger warnings for abortion, self harm, attempted suicide, drug overdose

Twenty mornings I've started my day in this room, in this bed, with the sliver of sun that sneaks through the other buildings and into the corner of my window. Much as I hate being here, it's allowed me to get on the right dose of meds without getting sick again and forced me to admit that for a long time it was the uncertainty of changing that I was afraid of. I've even been to group therapy when I had to, and had a counsellor to talk to every day to help process the abortion. I never expected to need help, but if I'm honest it affected me more than I'd admit out loud. Not because I wanted a baby, but because I'd much rather prevent a pregnancy than end one. Knowing that I had that tiny life inside for a short amount of time was enough to make it a devastating decision to terminate it, and the memories it brought back were more vivid than I was prepared for. 

But I had to. There was no other option. And at least now I can be confident it won't happen again.

I feel good, and I know I must appear stable because Alex and Sebastian no longer feel the need to visit me every day or even every second day. My bag has been packed for three days and I have it on good authority that my blood results will be back today, meaning there's no more stalling.  

"Today?" I ask the doctor as soon as he opens the door. 

He laughs. "Good morning to you too, Buzz. Yes, today. You can go home as soon as I get your discharge signed off."  

I leap up and hug him, almost literally knocking him over with the shock. "I'll be ready."  

"A couple of things, though. I want to see you every second week until we're absolutely sure we have the best possible combination, and you'll see Erica every week."  

"At this point you could insist I --" I was going to say 'blow you' but cut that off just in time. "-- walk on hot coals and I'd do it. I will, I promise."

A few minutes later Sebastian appears in the doorway with a beaming smile.  

"Today?" he asks.  

I nod and push myself off the side of the bed, and then I'm in his arms and his lips are on mine. Damn, I can't wait for some quality alone time with this beautiful man.  

"I'm really proud of you, doll," he says, brushing a finger over his pink lips.   

"For what?"  

"Sticking it out. You could have discharged yourself at any time, but you didn't. You did the talking you hate so much, you went to the group sessions, took your meds without arguing..." He holds me back a little and studies my face with a frown. "You're still my crazy Buzz, right?"  

"Yeah," I laugh, "I'm still yours, still crazy, still me. Just a more stable version with less crashes. I hope."  

"Do you want me to come with you, or you want some time alone to get settled at home?"  

I grab a handful of his shirt and pull him hard until he's pressed against me, standing on tiptoes so I can speak right into his ear. "I want you to come with me, and on me, and in me... I need you tonight, in my bed. All night."  

Warm hands drag down my back and squeeze my ass hard, his mouth covering mine in a searing kiss until I whimper. "You definitely deserve a reward, doll."  

We're interrupted by a nurse with a cup of meds, who can't hide a smirk. Sebastian doesn't blush often but when he does his cheeks turn so red he could light up the room.  

"I hear you're leaving us today?"  

"Sure am." I hand her back the empty cup and she winks at me before leaving, closing the door softly behind her so we at least have the illusion of privacy.