through her eyes

society

*trigger warning: content involves matters of depression, suicide, and eating disorders*

growing up, i had a best friend. and then she left. and i was all alone. she'll never come back. she can't. she left everyone. i cant blame her. but it frustrates me to think she'd do such a thing, and leave us all behind while she's happy now, in the clouds, leaving us all in a cruel reality.
i guess i'm just lost. lost in a world with no one to guide me, no map, only a compass pulling me to the endless pain that is this world.
i don't like socializing, either. my mother tries to force me to go to family events, or parties, even school events, but i always refuse. i see what her intentions are. she just wants me out of the house. to be 'normal' but what the fuck do you call normal? that's what i hate most about society. everyone wants to fit it. like we're all one big puzzle trying to piece ourselves together. but i don't have any tabs or blanks* i'm just a square, hopeless, and unwilling. and that's how it will always be. and i'm fine with that.
     girls in today's society want to be skinny, they want to be models. so bad that they will eat a meal, and force themselves to throw it up afterwards. girls at my school do it all the time. you can't go into one bathroom without hearing someone gag. i'd rather just hold it until i'm home. is that normal? to change the way your body functions just to be beautiful?
     the way that people are today, contradict everything people in the 1900's viewed our future to be. but what do they know? they thought the earth was flat. hell, some of them believed the sun was a planet. but we in today's society are forced to study their findings because they are wise and we should know our history. but do we know our rights as humans? no. is that normal? to not know my THIRTY, yes thirty, human rights, but instead, i'm taught about igneous, metamorphic, and sedimentary rocks. because fuck knowing my worth. 
     growing up, we're taught to love ourselves, but if i boy comes out to his parents he's 'confused' and 'is wrong' and 'god hates him' and that boy is taught that he shouldn't love himself, but to love who he doesn't. my parents don't care. i told them i was gay. they just looked at me, as if anything i did was as horrible as being gay, so why not this be the cherry on top? after i told them i just got in my car and left for hours. is that normal? that a child can not accept themselves because their parents restrict them- no not only their parents but society- from loving the same fucking gender because it said in the bible god didn't accept this act of sin. even though nobody lives a sin-free life. but being gay means you're automatically going to hell.
     i finally understand now. i finally understand that this world is so fucked up, no wonder avery left me. left us. left this damned society. she was one step ahead of us all, and left just in time, before the bomb of hate, self destructed, leaving this world to perish.
     i guess i'm kind of jealous of her.

* tabs and blanks are the inner-connecting bits on a puzzle piece