through her eyes

reflect

in my moments of unconsciousness, i had some time to reflect. i knew that i was in a wreck, i knew i was unconscious, and i knew there was a possibility that i wouldn't wake up. to reflect on my life. my name is finley maddison and i will be eighteen as of october 26th. i am a student in high school, planning to major computer science when i get out of high school. i have a younger sister who i would do anything for, so she doesn't meet the same fate as avery.

     i don't talk much, i keep mostly keep things to myself, which has earned me the nickname aphasia. aphasia means the loss of ability to understand or express speech, caused by brain damage. it makes no sense to me why people would call me aphasia, i can understand what people say to me, just sometimes i don't like to respond.

     so let me start over. my name is aphasia, or asia, maddison and i will be eighteen as of october 26th. i am a student in high school, planning to major computer science when i get out of high school. i have a younger sister who i would do anything for, so she doesn't meet the same fate as avery.

in all honesty, it doesn't bother me, i'd rather people think i don't speak, than try to make my life a living hell, as if it isn't already.

i cant think straight, now. my head is pounding as i try to recollect my thoughts that have seemed to scatter to the depths of my dark mind. i feel a breeze of coldness wash over me, i can't tell if i'm hallucinating at this point, i'm just cold. i can hear faint talking, now, it's brief and it only lasts a moment, but it's a relief to know i'm not dead.

dead is a bit of an exaggeration, i could have fallen into a coma, but being able to understand what's going on in reality proves that theory wrong, right? do people in comas dream endless dreams, or do they sit there, hearing what people say around them, unable to interact with their loved ones, but knowing their life is slowly fading away? is a coma almost like sleep paralysis, but instead of completely being aware, being able to see, all you can do is listen to your family sob as your life washes away, wave by wave. nobody can be sure, but now i'm really second guessing every decision i've made since i was in the third grade.

first, graham thompson, i broke your favorite pen in third grade on the second week, and i blamed it on jonathan freeman. next, jonathan i'm sorry that you have a rivalry with graham to this day because of my selfish acts.

third, ruby smith, in sixth grade i copied your exam and you got in trouble for cheating because nobody would expect that behavior from me. i didn't even get a good grade, and ruby has never forgiven me.

fourth, avery. my best friend, who i would literally sacrifice myself for, i'm sorry i never saw how much you were hurting. i'm sorry i tried to distract your pain with my problems. i'm sorry that you were exposed to the cruelness. you tried to tell me. you tried saying that the world is polluted by people, and that even though people are destroying the world, the world is just as toxic as the pollution. sorry i told you i had other plans, i didn't. i just didn't want to leave my house, and i will regret that everyday. i'm sorry if i pushed you over the edge.

my apologetic train was thrown off track when i heard a slight beeping. from this i can infer i'm definitely in a hospital, or the timer for the oven is going off, and my little brothers making corn dogs, but that's unlikely. as much as i hate being awake, and as much as i love sleeping this isn't sleeping, and i really want to snap back into reality. i'm also really fucking hungry.