The secret kiss (Completed)

chapter 3/ Jack

I awoke and groaned. At least it's Saturday. I walk into my closet and grabbed black sweatpants and a hoodie. I grabbed my swim trunks and ran to the bathroom. Today I'm going to go to the beach with Zach, Daniel, Jonah and Corbyn. I sigh and start humming a tune. I look at my razor on the little ledge in the bathtub.
I've never cut. I've thought about it. But I never did.

'Zach will never love you'

'Yes he will'

'No he won't obviously because hes looking for a girl not you, a Girl'

I looked back at the razor. I squeezed my eyes shut looking away. Never done it never will do it.

'Do it we both know you wanna'

'Don't do it people will notice'

'People won't care'

'Zach will care, Isla will care, Ava will care, Sidney will care mom will care'

'Your dad won't care when he finds out you're gay'

'Dont listen to your dad if he's mean you've got people who will care'

'No you don't your only friends are Jonah Corbyn Daniel and Zach they won't care'

'Yes they will'

I shook my head getting rid of my thoughts and walked out of my bathroom. I'm not gonna start. Im not gonna cut. I sigh and pull my curls. I hear a knock on the window and seen Zach looking worried.

'Hes not worried he just feels bad for you'

'He does care or else he wouldn't have been coming over everyday'

I open my window and fake a smile. I sigh as he pointed at me with the look that says 'Stop faking I know you're not fine' He always knows when somethings wrong it annoys me sometimes.

"You gonna tell me what's wrong?" I shook my head no looking at the ground.

"I'm not ready to" I look up and he nodded.

"Okay well, you ready the other three are almost there" I nodded picking up my extra backpack and slung it on my shoulder. I followed him down my staircase and seen my mom and Isla.

"Zach you do know there's a door right there right?" Sid asked walking in from the kitchen. Zach nodded laughing.

"Yeah but I get more muscle climbing through his window" I shook my head and laughed.

"You also get stitches" I laugh remembering the time he smash the side of his eye on the window sill 3 years ago.

"I told you not to bring it back up you're about to earn a beating in the ocean" I paled and ran out the door. I heard them laughing in the house as I climbed in my car. Zach climbed in the passenger seat after a long two minutes.

Zach took the aux and blasted his song timelapse he made when he was younger. I chuckled rolling my eyes while backing out. We jammed to his other song why and I smiled at his cuteness.

We finally arrived and I parked in the slightly sandy parking lot. I grabbed my backpack and got out closing the door behind me and locked the car. Zach and I spotted the three setting up a blanket. We walked over and did our handshake.

"What took you so long?" Daniel asked and I set my backpack down. I sat in the sand tracing random shapes in the warm sand. I heard Zach sigh.

"I don't know what's wrong he won't tell me" Zach said clearly a little upset that his best friend is upset. I felt someone tap my shoulder. I looked up and Corbyn pulled me up. He pulled me away from the others and I played with the rings on my fingers nervously.

"What's wrong?" I shook my head no, not wanting to answer. I looked up and he rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over his muscular bare chest

"come on we aren't going back until you tell me what's going on with you lately. Don't think I haven't noticed how depressed you've been lately. You've been moping around all the time and glance at us every once in a while." I stared at him in disbelief how does he know all of this.

I poked the inside of my cheek with my tongue, something I do when I'm annoyed or nervous. (A/n I do that) I looked everywhere but the bleached blonde in front of me.

"I'm gay okay? You know how Zachs been trying to find that mystery girl who kissed him at the party. Yeah that was me. I've had a crush on him since 6th grade. When the lights went out and it was dark I thought it was the perfect opportunity to kiss him and not be noticed. I'd rather have him try to find someone that's not me than for him to be disappointed that it was his gay best friend who kissed him. God I'm so stupid" I didn't realise I was crying until I felt Corbyns thumbs wipe the salty tears off my cheeks and pull me in a warm hug.

"Hey don't worry it's okay it's gonna be okay" I sobbed into his chest and heard footsteps running towards us.

"Hey what's wrong with him!?" Jonah asked rubbing my back.

"He's just nervous about something that I'm not telling" I mentally thanked Corbyn for not spilling my secret. As we were walking back to our blankets

"how long have you known?" Corbyn whisper in my ear. I poked the inside of my cheek with my tongue again.

"5 years" I mumbled loud enough for him to hear me. He gasped quite loudly. The boys turned towards us and Corbyn started laughing and the boys turned their heads back towards the water.

"5 years Jack! Who else knows this"

"Nobody" he sighed and rubbed my back soothingly.

"Its okay your secrets safe with me Jay" I nodded. I took my shirt off and placed it on the blanket.

'Why are you so fat you need to get rid of it fatty'

'No you don't have to you're beautiful just the way you are'

'Nobody likes a fatty like you'

'Zach will know when you starve yourself don't do it'

'Everybody will hate you'

'No they won't'

I didn't realise I was crying and having a mental breakdown until someone pulled me on their lap. I realized it was Zach from his minty vanilla scent.

"Jack calm down what's wrong?" He asked holding me against his chest. Corbyn was bent down on oneside and Jonah in front with Daniel on the other side.

"W-why are you f-friends with me" I asked calming down gripping onto the shirt he hasn't taken off yet.

"Because you're my best friend since kindergarten. You're an amazing guy that's why" Zach answered. Making me tear up more.

"B-but I-Im fat and Stupid and ugly" I stuttered out. I heard them all gasp.

"You are NOT fat and ugly" Zach scolded.

"You are skinny" Daniel said sternly.

"You are a handsome boy" Jonah also sternly said.

"You are amazing in your own ways Jack" Corbyn softly says.

"How long have you been thinking this?" Zach asked me. I didn't move my head off his chest.

"Since 6th grade" I closed my eyes poking the inside of my cheek.

I know Corbyn is the one who sighed. Zach just tightened his grip.

"Well ignore those thoughts and they can drown in the ocean come on!" Daniel yelled and tried pulling me out of Zachs tight grip. "Zach let the boy go" Daniel said making everyone laugh and got me to my feet and started running towards the water.