Fresh Start

s i x

Aria

"Slut."

"Whore."

"Cunt."

"Bitch."

"Rapist."

"What kind of person does that to their own best friend? I hope Ava beats her ass."

That's all I've been hearing for the past week. This is a new week. Maybe people will start to forget about it. Maybe there will not be any more stares, whispers, and giggles. Maybe my best friends will want me back. Maybe people will find out the truth. Maybe I will get the frightening image of Jackson on top of me, out of my head. Maybe I'll stop crying myself to sleep every night.

[Flashback]

"What did you just say?" I eyed Ava in disbelief. My mind couldn't wrap around the heinous and untrue words coming out of her mouth.

"Don't you dare deny it either! That's why you didn't want me to date him, huh? You liked him. You wanted to put your grubby little fingers all over his drunken body! I thought we were friends. Fuck you! Stay away from me, Jackson, Sophia, and Mariana! I hope you rot in hell."

Tears streamed down my cheeks and I swiftly wiped them away. I can't let her get to me. I can't let her see my cry. I can't let know her distressing terms put a knife through my heart. I chocked on my words and forced myself to speak up. Sophia and Mariana can't be taking her side. I can't lose them. They're my sisters, my human diaries, my shoulders to weep on, my arms to hold me when I need it or just to show me adoration. We've been through so much together. Disagreements could never separate us. We're too close knit.

"Guys, Jackson is lying! I would never do that. I can't stand him, you know that. His presence nauseates me. H-he hurt me. He's the one who forced himself on me. I tried to save myself but I couldn't. Please believe me. You're friendship means the world to me. You're my favorite people. I love you!" I tried my best to induce them and make them accept my honesty.

"Don't feed into her bullshit. She's a backstabber and a liar. You don't want to be friends with someone like that. She also drags you down. She just wants to make you less popular than you already are. Don't you want to be known? I can do that. Aria doesn't want that for you. She's jealous. When this gets around, people are going to hate her. Do you want them to hate you both too for being friends with her?" Ava retaliated.

"No! That's not true at all. You can't just let some random waltz right into our lives, thinking she knows everything when she knows nothing. Please. I'm sorry if you think I'm holding you back. I just don't want you to mix into the wrong crowd and do stupid things. It's not you. You're both perfect the way you are and I wouldn't change anything about either of you."

I waited for Mariana and Sophia to speak. They were staring at everything but me. Their arms were also crossed and their eyebrows were furrowed. It looked like they were thinking of something to say since they were lost for words. Jackson laughed and I felt my heart drop down to my stomach. This is too much. I wanted to throw up. Knowing his hands were on my like that made me want to curl up in a ball and die. I felt so dirty and susceptible. My head began to spin and it was like the walls were caving in on me. I felt trapped.

"Ava is right. We were too blind not to see it before. You don't want us to be happy. Don't ever talk to us or look our way again," Sophia expectorated.

"Leave us alone. This friendship is over. We can't associate ourselves with monsters like you," Mariana interjected.

That was it.  I jolted out of the door and tugged on the car door. They can find their own way back home. I made my way to my house but my thoughts consumed my mind and I had to pull over. I let it all out. I felt betrayed, in pain, lost, alone, empty, disdained. My face fell into my palms as I shook and wailed. The flow of my tears wouldn't stop. One after another. I should've done more. This is all my fault. I wasn't strong enough. I should've screamed louder. My voice wasn't powerful enough. I should've stuck by my friends. I'm vacuous.

[Flashback over]

I cleared my head and pushed away all my thoughts and feelings. A fake smile spread across my face as I told myself I wouldn't cry. I won't let their words offend me. I can be strong and stand my ground. I can't let them push me around and allow them to belittle me. I'm a better person, right? Stop. You can do this. Fake it till you make it. I used to always say that.

"Oh my god. You're seriously still showing your face around school? Wow. Unbelievable. Who do you think you are? Nobody likes or wants you here. Can't you just face the fact that everyone hates you and it's all your fault?" Ava bawled in my face as soon as she saw me enter.

"I just don't understand how Mariana and I were ever friends with you. You're pitiful. Keep in mind not to mess with us because we know all your deepest and darkest secrets," Sophia tagged along while Mariana just giggled. It sounded really force and phony in my opinion.

"Do us all a favor and kill yourself," Ava snickered and sashayed away with my ex best friends.

The whole school laughed and hollered more insults. I felt so disparage. All of my self worth and value slipped through my dainty little fingers.  I tried to disregard their words. I really wanted it to go through one ear and out the other. The eight words Ava told me kept replaying in my mind. "Do us all a favor and kill yourself." Should I? It  doesn't seem to be that bad of an idea anymore.

My dad has been working a lot lately and I don't want to tell him what's going on because it'll just cause more stress for him. My best friends left me. The whole school hates me. I have nobody. Nobody cares about me. I'm sure someone in the world understands, I just don't know them.

"I need to get out of here," I mumbled under my breath.

I left the school and approached my car. I put my face on the steering wheel and water flowed down for hours. It can't get worse than this.