Smoke & Roses For M (Book 3)

40: Kyari

{Kyari is pronounce: Kī-ar-ē
Like- Ky-are-ee}

I take a deep breath as I look at myself in the mirror. My checkered skirt and black, short sleeved top that was tied up in the front. I was wearing my black vans with the white stripes on either side. I had my hair half up, in a messy bun.

Scanning my reflective figure, I noticed my small bump. Turning to my side, I smooth it over with my hands, making it more present. I tilted my head, watching myself.

I was always so nervous about having a child of my own, only because I never thought it would happen. I've always kinda wanted one, but knew it was almost impossible.

I heard Colson recording some new songs downstairs, in the studio. Letting him pull me out of my negative thoughts, as I listened to the tones of his voice and the bass of the beat. He sounded so genuine.

I let my eyes drop from my reflection, as I get lost in thought again.

I really need Wilson to sign those papers. It wasn't going to be easy, but I had to do it. I wanted to marry Colson. I really needed to. Just for the sake of my own happiness.

I had spent my whole life sacrificing myself for people, some had my back and some didn't even deserve to know my damn name. I'll be turning 27, before the weeks out.

I deserve to be thinking of myself. I earned that right. I was gonna do anything it took to make sure I married Colson and had his baby. I will be Mrs. Baker one way or another, but it will happen.

"Ready to go?" Tasha asks, with Mill on her hip.

Mars was watching Mae, at their house. We were gonna drop Mill off with Rook and Iz. Izzie loved babysitting. I just can't wait until she was having kids. That's gonna be fun to see.

"Uh..." I look around. "Y-Yeah."

We walk downstairs and sit in the living room, waiting for Kells to be done. I didn't want to interrupt or intrude. This was him. This is what he did. What he was passionate about. I wasn't gonna make him stop in the middle of it.

I took a deep breath. I was not ready to face Wilson. I ran away from being a Diller.

"You okay, Mama?" She looks at me concerned.

"Yeah." I sigh out, nodding.

"This about Wilson or Colson?" She asks.

"Neither." I tried brushing it off, but then Tash gave me the best friend look, causing me to sigh. "...Both."

"Wanna deal with it, now?" She watches me.

"You have to know Wilson in order to understand that situation. I was such a different person when I was with him. I was cold and young with a broken heart. I did a lot of stupid things, but with Colson..." I sigh out in relief. "I feel like everything I went through to get to where I am now, was all worth it. Everything with Hal and my mom to my foster family and Wilson. When I was with Mars I would do stupid rational things that I was well aware of. When I was with Darius..." I cleared my throat. "I was trapped. When I was with Wilson... God, Tash. I was young and dumb and irrational. I never really had a good relationship before. Every time I was in a relationship I wasn't me. I was What I shielded myself with. But... when I'm with Colson..." I breathe out softly and smile. "Tasha, I am good. I'm me and I'm happy. I do things that are for her best. I embrace who I am without regrets."

"I know, babe. That's why Wilson is gonna sign those papers." She reassured.

"It's not gonna be that simple." I shake my head.