Wayward Popcorn-The Biblical Verses
By Miz Ellen & KC
Around 10 years ago, before popcorn poppers were available on the internet, hot air popcorn poppers were out of style and microwave popcorn had taken over. Long was my quest and sore were my feet as I went from store to store in Pittsburgh, but no one had hot air popcorn poppers, and my grief grew like dandelions in a suburban lawn.
I was often met with comments like "but microwave popcorn is so much easier, why would you want a hot air popcorn popper ?". The joy of being able to make popcorn without "preordained" salt, oil, or butter had died. Woe, I cried unto the god of the hot air popcorn poppers. Finally, in an old hardware store in Shadyside, they found one on the top of a shelf, covered in dust.
But the prophet saith "There shall be a backlash against microwave popcorn, and the internet shall allow the fans of hot air popcorn to become a force to be reckoned with. "
And the goddess of hot air popcorn smiled, and lo! hot air popcorn poppers once again become plentiful. A far cry from the glory days of the late 70s, when hot air popcorn was the rage, which hot air popcorn popper popcorn worshippers remember with nostalgia.
The new hot air popcorn popper is gentle and kind. The popcorn rises up slowly, and flows into the bowl, like the tide in Hawaii. My previous popper was more like a volcano that shoots lava. I had to have a box that covered the end of the spout, to keep popcorn from shooting across the room.
Why did you shoot across the room, oh kernels, like small edible ballistic missiles? Since there be so few, I forget to empty out the unpopped kernels when my mind is oppressed. But when I return to the hot air popcorn popper to make another batch of popcorn, Lo, these unpopped kernels tend to pop with mighty force, and they do seem to explode to prove how ornery they are. First by refusing to pop, and then popping later, shooting past the bowl that is their intended home.
The Lord hath commanded you, in the manual of directions vouchsafed unto you, to dump them out if they don't pop the first time, as they could be hazardous to the health of your hot air popcorn popper. The Lord knows the secret corners of your soul and that you secretly enjoy ornery popcorn kernels flying around like fireworks.
Yea, I do confess this. And every once in awhile I do dump out the remnants, and throw them out the back door for birds or squirrels to have their way with. I also do that with the remains of bowls of popcorn, since I don't salt or butter it. The fluffy remnants scatter in the wind, while the more kernel-ish remnants show off how gravity works. Thus I repent and cleanse my hot air popcorn popper.
