Yours

Bathtub

I had all the elements I needed to do it. All but one; courage.

Well of course there were other ways of going about it, but in this moment, this is all I have. The water is lukewarm, grey and almost overflowing. If I move too fast it will surely spill over the edge. Then that's just another mess to clean.

I'm not too sure of just how long I've been laying here for. Long enough to make my fingers wrinkled, but not long enough to leave the ring of dirt around the white porcelain coating.

How I managed to strip myself down to get in the bath in the first place is a question I don't really know how to answer. It may seem odd to one but I myself have never been a fan of being openly naked. It might have developed from a childhood incident I can't quite recall, or maybe it's just always been part of me. But there's something about being so bare, so vulnerable, so... oblivious of how exposed you really are to the possibility of what you may see as something rather unlikely - may it be done through the eye of a stranger, the wandering hand of the person - unbeknownst to you - who had slipped through the door just seconds ago, or even the anger of someone you consider a close companion - that makes my skin crawl, and my heart beat that little bit faster as I take off each garment; the anxiety of what may come, or what is being done slowly flows through me as my body becomes more open, I almost feel innocent.

But I know I'm far from it.

My emotions may be high, but I'm not low enough. I push myself down into the water with my flannel covering my breasts and the grey of the water hiding the rest of my body. The lower I go, the further I feel from reality and I can hear them now, they're singing to me; distant chanting drawing me in -the voices of the water - so calming, so beautiful.

I don't want to leave this place, this state...

But then there's a shift in movement - a foreign hand - and they don't want me anymore. They're pushing me away now; the hand on my arm - a firm grip - pulling me up, away from the beauty, away from the calm.

I gasp, fear rushes over me and I begin to panic; my flannel had fallen due to the way I had been yanked up out of the water so forcefully. My first instincts are to cover what I can of my bare breasts with my free hand as I would be left completely naked in front of this person if I were to fumble around for the flannel. I try to free my arm from them but their grip hasn't loosened.

I look up at the stranger glaring down at me and quickly find myself glaring back at the now well known face of my husband to be.

"Why do you continue to hide yourself from me my love?" He asks as he tries to look over my body.

"Why do you not know how to knock before entering?" I ask in return and finally pull my hand away to cover myself up more.

He pouts momentarily before glaring at me again.

"What is it exactly that you were doing? You've been in here for quite a while now..." He trails off and his eyes land on the razor floating in the water by my side, the edges of his lips turn downwards. "I'm worried about you."

"There's nothing to worry about."

"I don't want it to happen again."

He looks along my arms and lets out a sort of whimper before moving over to the other side of the bath and pulling out the plug. I bring my legs into myself and sit there just watching the water drain slowly until it forms a mini tornado, it lets out a final gurgle and what could have been is gone. I stay sat as I am, just staring at the plughole, wishing I had gone with the water.