Heartbroken

My first love

Everyone has a first love. Not that kindergarten crush that you wanted to ask on a playdate, but that first true love. When your heart is flying and everywhere around you there is joy. A first love is a learning experience that prepares you for the future.

I had a first love... his name was Brad. We met in math class and I knew the second that I saw him that it was love. A feeling I'd never felt before but that was so powerful and unstoppable. I became bestfriends with Brad after that day and we facetimed everyday. We were close for 10 months as I waited patiently for him to be single again. And I still remember the day that he left his girlfriend ; one of the best days of my life.

One day, we were hanging out at his house, and watching a movie when he hugged me tight like he was protecting me. He held me safe as he laughed and said ;
"You're mine now" with a hidden smile.
"Not just yet..." is what I answered.
Then he let go of me, turned around and his eyes teared up.
I held his hand and put my face closer to his.
"Why are you sad?" I asked him.
"I just want to be able to have you forever and call you my girlfriend" his sad voice replied as his eyes met mine.
"Well you could if you wanted to..." I hinted.
He took a deep breath, scared and nervous. He sat up straight, holding both my hands, he looked at me and said ;
"Will you pleaseeeee be my girlfriend"
I giggled at this cute gesture, smiled, looked at him and replied ;
"Yes, yes I'd love to!"
And he put his fingers against my cheek to pull my face closer to his and kissed me passionately.

I was living a true fairytale. Brad and I had something special. We knew each other well already, and cared about each other so much that we'd do anything for each other. He was my first kiss, and second, and third, and many more. I couldn't have asked for better, it was perfect. Nothing about him even made me question my feelings, it was the definition of the expression "Meant to be". I loved to make him happy more than anything and he always would protect me and show me love. I was head over heels in LOVE with this guy.

One night, I was texting him and he seemed in a distant mood. He told me he'd been thinking a lot that day and was just feeling down. This was an occasional thing with him so it seemed quite normal. But I had a bad feeling in my stomach that night, and went to bed crying, praying that I was wrong for feeling this way. The next morning as I checked my phone, he'd told me he wanted to go on a break just to give him some time. My heart started aching in my chest and I was in so much indescribable pain. I cried for hours and hours, until the friends that had slept over at my house woke up and asked me what had happened. They tried to cheer me up but nothing seemed to work. Anyone that knew me had never seen me this way, and I was a mess. I was so confused as to why this sudden change.

For the next 2 days, I stayed in with friends and tissue boxes and cried until my eyes were dry. The worst part was not what HAD happened, but more so what COULD happen that my heart was dreading. After all this sadness, he began to talk to me frequently in a day again, and seemed regretful. We stayed awake until the sun got up and facetimed as we used to do. I was so happy that I'd gotten to talk to him again. Before going to bed, at around 7 o'clock in the morning, I asked ;
"Can I ask you a question?"
"Sure, what is it?" He answered.
"So what does this all mean for us?" My lips talked without my brain realizing.
The question I'd been afraid to ask! I was shaking at the thought that he wouldn't want me back.
"Well I just felt like I needed time to myself, now I regret it and I miss you!" He said, looking down at the floor.
I was speechless. This filled my soul with joy.
"Okay, so now we can get back together?" I asked, still hesitant.
"Yeah, I want you as my girlfriend." He slowly admitted.

And that was the end of my biggest nightmare... well for now.