Little White Lies

8. Little White Lies

“I can’t believe you’re agreeing to do this,” Abby said for the millionth time. It had been a week since I told her that I’d agreed to help Tristan and his family. Though I’d gone to tell Abby right after it happened, the Sterling family had made the announcement to everyone at dinner that day. With the exception of a few people, most had agreed to fight with them.

            I had no doubt we would win.

            “Why don’t you go make out with Guild. I’m getting really tired of hearing this,” I told her as I lay on the couch. Once again we were hanging around in the lounge that no one seemed to want to use. Although I supposed with the beach just outside, no one should want to be in doors. I wouldn’t either if it weren’t for the fact that I had to cover a majority of my arms and it was simply too hot out there.

            “I’m not going to stop until you get it. You’re killing yourself, Zyda! You’re hardly doing anything but once a day releases and you’re already burned up to your elbow! How do you think you’re going to survive a war?!” she screamed.

            Did she really think I was that dumb? That I didn’t know what I was giving up? I knew it meant an end I did, and maybe I was trying to be in denial, but it’s not like I had much. I had given Abby back to the world, and that would be my greatest gift to the universe. But I couldn’t live my whole life for my sister. I had nothing. I was dying either way; I had no friends, no Tristan, no real hopes for the future. No, I wasn’t depressed or ready to die, but if I was going to anyway I wanted to at least be known. I wanted to make a mark on this world if I was going to leave it all behind.

            “I don’t expect to!” I finally shouted. My eyes watered in frustration. “I know I’m not going to survive but what else am I supposed to do?! I’m not going to be here much longer anyway!”

            She finally started to cry as she walked over to hug me. “It’s just not fair. You saved my life and I can’t do anything to save yours.”

            I gave her a little squeeze and then pulled back to look at her. “It’s really ok. Abby, I just need you to live. Really live.” She nodded and then pulled me closer. I really loved my sister.

            “I still think you should tell Tristan,” she said. This was another point she’d tried to shove down my throat. “He deserves to know.”

            “Abby, I can’t tell him.”

            “Why? Why can’t you tell him?”

            Shrugging I answered. “I just don’t want him to know.”

            After taking a step away from me and crossing her arms, she looked me in the eye and called my bluff. “Stop lying to me. You may be hiding your thoughts from me fairly well but I can still tell when you’re lying.”

            “I don’t want him to pity me,” I mumbled.

            “I don’t understand.”

            “Tristan left me and is engaged to someone else, Abby. I don’t want him to find this out and decide to pity me. There may be a lot I don’t know about him, but I think I  still know his behaviors well. He would pretend for me; give me what he knows I want just to make my last days happier…” I shook my head to clear the memories of all the times Tristan had held me and made me feel special, even before he’d professed his love for me. “Almost everything we had together was a lie. I don’t want any more of it.”