A Series of Hankering Events (ON HOLD)

Chapter 7

MD and I kept talking. Sure. Why not? I wasn't the kind of person that held grudges. I mean yeah, I am in love with him but I can't live on the past. If I were to get another chance, would I take it? Yes. It's sad but the reality of it is that I love him too much as to pass up an opportunity to be with him again. But that never happened. Not because he was far away but because it was obvious MD didn't care for me the way I cared for him. MD and I stayed as friends. It hurt. It was a constant pain. More so since we kept a regular communication pattern. 

I spent a great deal of my life loving that boy. I still do and I'm pretty sure I always will. Maybe not the same way anymore but the love and care is still there. I always thought he was the guy for me. When MD and I started talking less, Rob (MD's best friend) and I started talking more. Rob was never that good looking. To me at least. During the second semester he had changed. He looked different and he acted somewhat different as well. He wasn't in the same school as me though. He changed schools but he wasn't far away. He comfort me whenever I needed and we began to talk and Skyping almost every night. He was actually a very sweet guy if you took the time to get to know him. He was very reserved and most of the time scary if you don't get his sense of humor. I found myself liking him more and more. His ID name on my phone changed from Rob to Blondie Bear. We weren't together but we were fairly close. At first Blondie Bare was just for teasing but then, later on, it became a name that expressed my affection towards him. I didn't want to keep this up because I know what my mother would say. She wouldn't agree. Rob was different. Very different. He was pierced all over his face and he had those plug that only grew bigger in his ear. I didn't mind any of it though bus since I knew it was impossible to be with him I never acted on mere attractions. But there came the day when he confessed how he felt and I just didn't know what to say or do. I did something stupid in the end. I told him I liked him as well and he was happy but when I explained that I couldn't be with him my heart broke. His face turned from happy and lit up to sad and dark. I was angry at myself. So one day I told mom about Rob. She knew about him. She had seen him. I got angry at her instant rejection and I told her I'd be with him either way. She threatened me. She told me she'd take me out of school so that he couldn't visit me. That she would home school me herself and supervise whom I do or don't call. You'd think I'd be happy because I as finally going to get home schooled but I was terrified. I liked being in school now that I made friends and learned not to care what others think or said about me. So I listened. I stopped talking to Rob and that was the end of it. 

He tried to convince me not to stop talking to him. He told me I didn't have to do everything my mother said. Rob was never the kind of guy that followed the rules and he always did as he wanted but I wasn't that kind of girl. I listened and I obeyed. That's how I was raised. After that I never knew about Rob anymore. I'd spilled tears in front of that guy and every time he would listen and be there even if he didn't have the right words to say. I wish I wouldn't have liked him. I wish he wouldn't have told me he liked me. If our actions had been different I'd still have a Blondie Bear in my contact list. So I was angry. At myself and at my mother. I remained angry at my mother for a very long time. I acted normally, talked normally but I was furious. Not that it mattered. It wouldn't change a thing so eventually I got over it. Getting over it. It was like second nature to me. My sixths sense. During the summer I didn't do much. The same I always do when it's not summer. Read, write and listen to music. I wasn't much of a going out person and I didn't really like people still. The one person I can say that I really liked and didn't mind is Jomy. So if I was to go out it would be with her. If I was to hold a long conversation it would be with her. I was antisocial that way. The summer was long and boring. I was eager for classes to start so I could have some kind of distraction. Of course time had to be a bitch about it and take its sweet time. Soon enough I was taking my uniforms to the cleaners to get fitted. The day I went to the cleaners is the day that I all but squealed with delight. Only one week left and I'd have that distraction I craved oh so much. One more week and I won't have time to think about anything else besides homework and exams. 12th grade would be unforgettable.

I was right.